Help Yourself

There’s an inherent disconnect between those struggling and those that managed to get past their own rut, especially the ones that succeeded in transforming their lives. That’s why a lot of advice comes off tone deaf. The way the speaker interprets their words is not the same as how the listener is interpreting them, because the shift in perspective responsible for those words hasn’t happened yet for the listener. Often times that shift isn’t really achievable with just words alone, so there’s already a disconnect here. Especially if you view me as everything you couldn’t be (even though that isn’t true). I don’t expect you to get the majority of this chapter on first read but if you connect with the things I’ve said & the life I’ve lived then you know deep down there must be some truth to what I’m about to say and that’s the part you should hold on to even if you can’t understand me yet.

I visualize Help Yourself as me sliding you a piece of paper with information that may or may not be relevant to you. Whatever you choose to do with that paper is entirely up to you. Just don’t ever act like it’s not in your possession. You can rip it up, toss it out, pin it to your wall, study it every morning, hand it to others, leave it on your table—it’s all up to you. The outcomes & effectiveness of this will vary from person to person but just remember you got the same piece of paper everyone else did.

Everyone has a unique relationship with themselves that’s made up of varying factors. For the majority of my life, any attribute you can name, I hated. Didn’t matter how trivial it was. Then one day in April of 2020, I was listening to a song and realized that I actually did love myself and did the entire time. This was a song I had been listening to every morning for a week or so and several times throughout each day, but the lyrics regarding loving himself never registered for me. They didn’t apply to me. For whatever reason, it hit me that morning that I was wrong.

I realized that the two people responsible for me hating myself never had the authority to dictate anything about my life in the first place. How are you going to treat me like shit and yet somehow be granted the privilege of having anything you say matter? I wouldn’t care what an abuser or a horrid lover had to say, so why would it be any different because I know those two types personally? Why should I allow their behavior to nullify all the things I admire about myself?; things I didn’t even know I admired until this moment? These people are worthless, why the fuck would I grant them this much authority?

Years after this major breaking of shackles, I think there’s only 4 reasons why someone would hate themselves; because other people make you feel like shit, because you compare yourself to other people, because of the mistakes you’ve made, and because of your inabilities.

I think ridding reason number two can be achieved indirectly by addressing self worth instead, since usually people determine this by comparing themselves to other people, which is something you shouldn’t be doing anyway if your career doesn’t require it. The way I see it; I’m here, I’m breathing. That’s all I need to know regarding my place in the world. I don’t need to be “special” or do anything spectacular or contribute something or “keep up” with everyone else to feel like I belong here and to feel as if I deserve all the things I never had. The only people that could ever decide how much I’m worth are the people that’ve earned my love; how much I’m worth to them. Even with the backdrop of stigma, you are still comparing yourself to people with “lesser” or no illnesses.

Reason three is tied to how much kindness you show yourself. There is no blueprint for this, however in this context I think it’s simply just showing yourself grace in a moment of vulnerability. That means acknowledging you are a human being just like everyone else. That means not denying yourself things off the basis that you simply don’t “deserve” them. That means not being verbally abusive towards yourself. It’s impossible for me to know the mistakes you’ve made and how badly you may have hurt others, but you got to learn how to show yourself grace when it’s most needed. Beating yourself up over something that cannot be changed is a complete waste of time. The only thing it achieves is making you feel “better” due to the illusion that you are receiving what you deserve. You can feel regret towards something without hating yourself. You can wish you did something differently too.

Reason four is a split between the previous two solutions. Your inability to do whatever it is you seem unable to do is tanking the way you see yourself because you’re either comparing, beating yourself up for the repeated failure, or both. Once you stop the comparisons and allow yourself the grace to be a human being, reason four should be on its way out.

I understand self hate is a feeling, and feelings aren’t always logical, but I do think there’s more logic behind these kinds of feelings than people give credit for. I mean truly, if it weren’t for the people in your life, the people you compare yourself to, the mistakes you’ve made, or the things you fail at, what actual reason could you possibly have to hate yourself? Do you hate only being a reflection of the world around you and the life you’ve lived? Cause otherwise it’s not making sense.

I know some feelings can’t be shaken and that emotion will override logic but a lot of people are walking around with thoughts and perceptions about themselves that are significantly more fragile than they think. Prior to that moment of realization I had, I never once even thought to truly question why I hated myself. I could explain why I hated my attributes, but I was never aware that there was a source responsible for all those poor explanations, so I never thought any deeper about it.

Self love is what people seemingly struggle with the most, but I think with self hate & worth out the way, self love is a whole lot easier. The way people approach self love however is still quite flawed. It’s always on the basis that they’ve accomplished something. They withhold any self love or admiration until objectives have been completed, or feel fully incapable of it entirely if they can’t write down their achievements on paper.

In an interview with Scooter Braun by Harry Stebbings, Scooter said something quite fascinating, and even though I didn’t need to hear it, you might:

“HARRY: I always think that you know, the most important thing you can ever say to children is just ‘I’m proud of you’. Maybe it’s me, but it’s just like, the only thing that matters is [my parents] approval, and I just constantly seek approval.

SCOOTER: I disagree.

HARRY: You’re the parent, so I’m the naive one.

SCOOTER: Well I disagree cause I used to believe that.

HARRY: Huh.

SCOOTER: And it’s really interesting that you say that.

HARRY: Well I just constantly seek the approval [???] I would [be] so happy to hear ‘Scooter I am proud of you’.

SCOOTER: Yeah, I-I want you to hear what you just said. Because I used to say the exact same thing. You didn’t feel like you were enough until you heard ‘I’m proud of you’.

HARRY: Yeah.

SCOOTER: And you thought you would get ‘I’m proud of you’ by doing things, by achieving things.

HARRY: Sure. Being in a soccer team, being—

SCOOTER: So I’m gonna tell you what I think the most important thing is my kids can hear. ‘I love you exactly the way you are, and I support you in whatever you do’. Because I want my kids to know, and I think you deserve to know and I deserve to know, that you don’t need to do anything to have love this way. Because—that’s why it’s confusing for us. Cause when we come into the world, I get it. My kids love me unconditionally.

I’ve heard Daniel and you talk about your dad and your brother before we started. Your dad could do anything, and you’re still showing up for him. He loves you, you know that, but you’re showing up for him unconditionally. I think the most important thing a kid can hear is that the parent feels the exact same way. That ‘I’m proud of you because of who you are, exactly the way you are. I’m here to support you in everything that you do in life, but you don’t need to do anything to get my approval’. And I think I want my kids to know that because I think that you would have a different answer.

HARRY: […] The pride is a result based feeling. Do you know what I mean? It’s because of that—

SCOOTER: And by the way, I get that cause as a parent you also want your kid to go for things and you want to teach them that. But I now understand that they’re—

HARRY: Do you think your kids get that?

SCOOTER: I don’t know. I know that I’m gonna try. I know that [my wife and I] are gonna try, we’re great parents together, and I think that we’re both gonna do the best job we can to tell them to break those patterns. Cause here’s the thing I once told this to my dad—my dad and mom love me. Love me. And when I did this work I went on a walk with my dad and I said ‘Dad, I now know that you love me so much that I see through your lies’. Because my dad did that ‘I’m proud of you’, because that’s what happened to him, like that’s what he knew, and that’s a beautiful thing, that’s what he knew, so, everything was result based. I had to win the basketball game, I had to do this—I knew my dad loved me but he made it, like, result based feeling for a child. And, I now know, my dad would never leave me. But as a child you don’t really know that. You’re deciphering things in a weird way because you don’t, you know, you’re learning the world.

As an adult I now realize that all those things he said of ‘I’m proud of you if you do this’ or ‘I’m proud of you because you did that’ were all bullshit. He was always proud of me. He just didn’t know to tell me cause he grew up a certain way, and I think I will tell you this if it helps, um, I have no idea—I haven’t even looked up your fund. You told me you have the fund, I have no idea what your investments are, I didn’t—I actually chose not to look. I’m here because of a conversation we had where you were vulnerable and showed me who you were. So I’m proud to know you, I look forward to being friends with you for a long time, I look forward to these kinds of conversations. If you become uber successful commercially which I’m sure you will because I can just tell you’re destined for that, I’ll be happy for you. But, if you don’t, and you choose a completely different path, I’m gonna be just as proud to know you.”^[1]

While he’s obviously speaking on a familial relationship and not himself, it highlights a lot about love in general and I easily think it could be applied towards yourself. You, of all people, should not be loving yourself based on any conditions. Especially when you consider that if you’re going through this life alone you might as well learn to love and appreciate the only person in your corner anyway. And if you do find someone, then being better at loving yourself can make you a better lover towards that person. Anyone that loves you will want you to love yourself as much as they love you. Anyone that loves you will wish you saw in yourself what they see in you.

There’s still the obstacle of how exactly do you show yourself love, but that’s the wrong question to ask. I don’t think self love is something you practice, I think it’s something that will naturally come to you and flow through you. For some people though, self love is still not doable until all obstacles regarding self image are taken care of—the remaining one being identity. It can be hard to love someone you know nothing about.

It’s difficult for me to say whether or not I use to always struggle with who I was, primarily because while that technically is true, it was usually never a real concern of mine. Still though, I don’t think you could turn the clock back a few years and have me able to answer the question of who I was. How could I when I had all these various influences distorting and corrupting my understanding of what I even was as a human being? I spent so much time trying to stop myself from becoming various things I knew I didn’t want to be. There wasn’t any time to figure out who I was.

It also didn’t help that I kept mirroring people’s personalities so they’d fuck with me. Then the whole borderline revelation happened which left me truly having no understanding of who I was or if I’d ever develop an identity of my own cause I was now able to see how much I morph as a person. It all made the question of who I was so much louder, and was the first time I ever had an actual identity dilemma. When no one was around I wasn’t the same kid. Just a vessel full of heartache & secrets. The weight of my emotions was so heavy back then I was physically barely able to move. I used to sleep for 12 hours a day and would be mad when I woke up because it reminded me I was still alive. I constantly used whatever I was watching or listening to to distract me from having to remember my reality. So again, there was never any time to figure out who I was.

But then my solitude happened which gave me 24/7 time to myself, without any outside influences or fear of judgement. This was one of the only positive things from that entire event. Now my situation was & still is nowhere near the norm; you more than likely have a school, work, social and/or home life that insists you take time away from yourself, or rather, has always prevented you from even having any. But the unique position I’ve been in the past 3 years has allowed me to realize quite a few things that no one else really has the opportunity to. One of those things being how crucial it is to truly have time for yourself, away from everything else. It allows for much more honest introspection, and simply allows you to develop a relationship with yourself that wasn’t really doable before. Sure, most people do get to have moments to themselves, but they aren’t consciously spent or even mentally registered as opportunities to really engage with yourself.

I’m not necessarily suggesting going into a solitude, because I do think it has its dangers, but you should definitely consider taking dedicated time for yourself. Maybe you do isolate for a few weeks. Maybe you find a way to make time in your schedule for yourself. Maybe you simply take the few moments you do have to yourself much more seriously. Whatever it is, do what you feel is best, and communicate your decision with those you feel should know (out of respect).

As for what exactly you will do during that time to yourself, you shouldn’t plan anything in particular if you don’t already know. When the time comes, simply follow what you feel. It might be hard at first, especially if you’ve never engaged with your own mind before, but feel things out. Throw ideas around as to what you may be thinking or wanting. You might even spend the first few times by yourself figuring out what to even do with the time you have with yourself. Again, just let how you feel guide you, even if the feeling is faint. It might not sound like much advice at all, but you will realize the importance of simply feeling and then doing. This also means if you find things you identify yourself in, don’t shy away from it, engage with it. Never let anyone or anything make you feel like you’re not “cool” enough to enjoy something, including yourself.

A big part in understanding yourself better is figuring out what you want out of life and what you don’t want. That will be always provide a clear reflection of who you are. This is done through introspection, which is highly important. Understanding your inner workings is simply a skill everyone should possess in order to navigate life, especially if you know you’re fucked up. The benefits are endless.

I personally only started developing the skill after hurting my ex emotionally badly in 2019. I swore to myself I’d never hurt somebody I loved the same way again and that I’d change as a person. Whether or not she’d still be in my life was irrelevant; in my mind the only way to prove the love I had for her was real was to change, even if I never saw her again. That was many years ago and I don’t think about her at all nor do I care, but it’s still what made me start looking inward.

Introspection mostly gets praised for corny surface level reasons which distorts people’s understanding of it & their approach to it. Introspection should be seen as a tool to help you navigate life and acquire the most accurate understanding of your reality. You shouldn’t be looking inward because it’s the “mature” and “intellectual” thing to do. Societal perceptions should be nowhere near your inner being. If you don’t actually have a decent reason to be looking inward, you will not do it properly. It doesn’t have to be anything intense or “meaningful” either. Like I said, it helps you acquire the most accurate understanding of your reality, and that is highly important. Nothing is more useful and advantageous in this world than the truth.

I think the key to introspection is that there is nothing too stupid to investigate. If your perception of introspection is related to maturity & intellect, you will fail at this. No matter how irrelevant, fleeting, or stupid a thought or idea about yourself is, don’t let it slip—investigate it. You are trying to paint the most accurate understanding of yourself and your reality overall. Every detail matters. But also, things that are seemingly irrelevant might lead to something much more, which I’ve experienced plenty of times.

A big thing to note is that some things you will simply just not understand right now. Get good at recognizing when this is happening, cause it’ll likely be frequent. I’ve had numerous things I couldn’t understand about myself at the time until I was months removed from that time period and was able to look back with much more clarity. Eventually I became able to realize that in order to understand the contemporary issue I was investigating I’d simply have to wait for the situation to pass.

In a similar vein, understanding yourself takes a lot of time. You might have several consecutive days, weeks, or months where something is still being figured out, until suddenly it clicks for you. Be patient. Don’t rush. Don’t overthink the concept of introspection. Don’t even consider it a concept. Just naturally start questioning things about yourself and your behavior. And you’re going to get things wrong, which you’ll only find out later. If anything, that’s a sign you’re getting better at it.

Operating from a place of neutrality is also crucial. You need to be impartial. I think the most common reason people struggle with this is the obsession with morality. People want to believe they’re “good” so bad that it blinds them. I sincerely think most people would be significantly better at it if they let morality go.

When my eclipse happened, one of the first things I thought about was how the moral standard is fully determined by other people. It is 100% a social construct. Nobody even has the authority to decide what that standard is supposed to be. Not to mention that what’s “good” and “bad” is constantly changing. There are people 100 years ago that sincerely thought they were “good” that would be seen in a terrible light today, just as how there are “good” people now who will be seen horribly in 100 years. There’s no point in piling on so much additional distress trying to live up to a standard that isn’t even consistent, for the validation of people you don’t even know. I can’t understand the obsession with being a “good” person if you don’t have self worth issues. Especially considering that you will always be seen as a bad person to somebody anyway.

You should instead actually sit down and think about what it is you personally value in life, the worst things someone could do to somebody, if you’re capable of doing those things, if you even care, and why. You will learn a lot about yourself. These values, principles, whatever you want to call them, are inherent to you, and will likely rarely change. This means the foundation to your being is significantly more solid.

Aside from killing the unnecessary distress of overanalyzing everything you do, you also significantly lower the chances of you doing something you end up regretting. You will process whatever decision you’re contemplating through the lens of what would make you personally disappointed or disgusted with yourself, rather than what others would think. In a real dark moment where you’re away from the spotlight, where no one would know regardless of your choice, this shift makes all the difference.

So going back to introspection, do it honestly. Only you know what you’re thinking, no one else. Don’t be afraid to admit something about yourself. Don’t be afraid to confront something. Whether you’re “good”, “bad”, or any other societal label, does not matter. Just focus on who you are. If you don’t like who you discover yourself to be, at least you’ll have the understanding needed to change. Remember that you don’t have to strive for “perfect”, just strive for “better”. One is attainable, the other is not.

For those of you that are religious, where there is a predetermined standard to follow, remember that you can’t fool omnipotence, only yourself, and I imagine whoever you worship or look up to prefers honesty. Admit who you are to yourself, then unto them, so you can begin to change.

To anyone in general who feels like they aren’t allowed to change, or fear the things they think, I already made a video addressing these issues two years ago titled The Sick Man’s Dilemma.^[2] One thing worth adding is that fantasies are completely free of consequence which is why they feel the way they do. Consequence is literally the whole reason why actions in real life hold any weight. Figure out if you just heavily enjoy the fantasy of something or if you’d ever actually do it.

The lines will seem extremely blurred at first but just be honest and remain calm about it. You will most likely come to realize that your fantasies are really just fantasies and that real life is real life. The lines will become distinct and continue to grow thicker. It’s important you explore this though, so you don’t actually end up confusing the two. If you never confront it you will never know. You might end up feeling like who you are in your head is different from reality but don’t do that to yourself. It’s all you. Just come to understand why (if you care to).

Regarding illness, you are more than your illness. It’s something you live with, it’s not who you are, which may seem hard to believe due to the life you’ve lived but it’s true. There’s an entire human being inside that brain, not just the letters that abbreviate your illness. You just need to make a conscious effort to discover who that is. As tone deaf as it may sound to you right now, I think people give their disorders way more power than they actually hold. When I reflect back on how I grew to be where I am now, I would say the overall biggest thing that happened was I developed a very strong conscious—and I think most people can do it too.

When you develop your conscious you innately separate yourself from your illness, and it eventually gets reduced to more or less what it actually is, not what you make it out to be. I think it’s the key to overcoming a lot of trauma in general. When you separate yourself from it and realize you are your own person and at the end of the day you decide how the fuck things go, the control it has over you starts to reduce. That doesn’t mean it doesn’t affect your life greatly or that managing it won’t be difficult, but all the additional power it has over your life will diminish. I possess the general power to still do what I want to even if the rest of my brain is screaming at me not to do it.

You already see something similar amongst drug addicts; the very common sentiment that one can only change if they themselves want to. No amount of rehab is going to help otherwise. Every story I’ve ever heard from a recovering addict always has the same core theme, which is that they one day realized something had to change. And they had a strong enough conscious to separate themselves from their addiction in order to fight it. Even though it was a steeply uphill battle. Even though their addiction destroyed so much around them. Even though their addiction literally rewired their brain and caused a physical dependency. They still managed to separate themselves from their addiction and took the first steps in trying to fight it. And I don’t think most addicts that try to quit actually believe with complete certainty that it’ll work. But they still try anyway, because when it comes to addiction, the idea that you can overcome it is something that’s actually promoted. It’s treated like something you can defeat and is worth fighting against. If we started viewing illness in a similar way, I think we’d see a lot of positive changes.

Without our consciousness, free will does not exist. And on an Earthly level, free will is the ability to do something our brain doesn’t want us to otherwise. When you do something your entire brain is advising you against, that is free will. I don’t really think any other creature on Earth has that. Free will, consciousness, that is what sets us apart. The ability to go against our programming is what makes us truly free.

In regards to how you develop your conscious, it wasn’t something I actively tried doing or was even aware of. It just naturally started developing after I changed the way I viewed myself and learned more about the things I enjoy and don’t enjoy about life. Learning more about who I was and being very assertive about my goals and my desires to achieve them was basically the perfect recipe.

In addition to viewing yourself as more than your illness you also need to detach your self image from it too. Don’t feel ashamed for simply existing. If you engage with mental health communities, make sure you know why. Many people fall into the trap of seeking these communities in an initial time of need, but then fail to leave once they’ve served their purpose. A lot of times these communities stagnate people’s growth and do nothing to promote it. They provide comfort for the suffering, which is fine, but you are still in a space where that is the only thing it achieves. Very rarely is there any worthwhile genuine discussion on growth. The focal point is usually to vent frustration, and being surrounded by that chronically just isn’t good for you.

I truly believe these types of communities are the kind of thing you should turn to once for a short period in your life, then never again. Because I don’t think it’s the healthiest in the long term to develop a habit of turning to these communities for every little frustration. At some point it’s not actually doing anything for you.

I understand they’re an outlet to be yourself and exist in a way that makes you feel safe, but at some point you have to outgrow it. Centering your day to day life around these communities will only reinforce to you that your illness is above you when it isn’t. You are dedicating so much precious time to discussing a disorder in ways that aren’t even beneficial. You are much more than your illness, you always have been. The way you dedicate your time should reflect that as best as possible.

Detaching yourself from your illness also means recognizing that you have more struggles outside of it. I think a lot of mentally ill people, or at least the younger ones, completely forget that any serious struggle that could apply to a “normal” person could apply to them too. This self segregation is seemingly why people think the only advice that could help them is advice that directly addresses their illness; incapable of taking in anything else. Don’t be that way. Just because advice seems small or would only be effective at improving a “normal” person’s life doesn’t mean you can’t benefit from it too.

There’s a lot of things I used to be skeptical of regarding their effectiveness because I couldn’t see how they could possibly do anything to better my mood or my mental state. But I was looking at it wrong, and those things actually did help. Not everything needs to be a drastic change. Some things just add a small level of comfort & relief. And if you keep stacking those things, then eventually the sum will be much greater than its parts. And it could be as simple as buying a diffuser and using your favorite scent daily in your bathroom.

By improving your life outside of your illness you may also improve the intensity of the symptoms themselves. In a lot of ways, illness is like a flame with circumstances simply being a spray can, but the reverse can also be just as true, and typically is. When it comes down to it, if you let your illness define you, then it will also define the limit of who you are, what you can be and what you can accomplish. You will never be anything more, higher, or greater, than that disorder. It can only have that authority if you let it.

Once you know who you are, it’s just as important to actually be who you are. You are not obligated to fit into any mold that doesn’t work for you. Don’t ever think your inability to fit the mold is of any fault of your own either. That also means you don’t have to live up to any standard or expectations of your gender. You are who you are. Don’t gender aspects of yourself. It can be useful to know how you’d be perceived relative to gender, but don’t internalize any of it.

If you’re someone that has always felt a reluctance in conforming to groups and changing who you are to fit in somewhere, that is a good thing, even if it’s never felt like it. If you’ve grown very disinterested in what the world has going on and what the internet loves to bitch about you are more than justified to be that way. People might get mad at you or shame you for it but it’s still no fault of your own. They want you to contort who you are & conform to their ways of being instead of creating something worth following in the first place.

I do not align myself with any one country, political party, ideology, religion, movement, group, anything—other than XO. I’m not about to compromise myself for anybody, and there isn’t a single shaming tactic that could work on me. Even that is wild to me. Why would you ever align with a group of people that shamed and belittled you into doing so?

You don’t have to change who you are to please anybody. There’s a notion that if you offend someone that isn’t offensive themselves then you’ve done something wrong. This couldn’t be further from the truth. Your mere existence and defense of it should never be offensive to someone. Meaning if it is, then that should tell you that person is someone you shouldn’t be taking to heart. This also means you shouldn’t feel ashamed or disgusting for simply having an illness.

When you realize how bullshit a lot of social constructs, norms & ideas are and how miserable they make the people that came up with & perpetuate them it’s actually really funny. Like this is how your life turned out sucking the dick of this arbitrary idea, and I’m supposed to suck that same dick with you? And then when I ask you why I need to follow or adopt said idea you usually fail to produce any meaningful answer? And I’m supposed to care? I’ve seen more than enough times that the people who seem the most at peace with themselves are the ones that chose to do things how they wanted. Every single time. So as an observer, what logically makes the most sense to follow?

Some of you are trying so hard to be accepted by a world that was never made to accommodate you. Do you seriously plan on spending the rest of your life exhausting & losing yourself in hopes that this world will spare you something it’s clearly never going to give? I spent my whole past life trying to be some version of what I thought the world would want from me, the version that would finally receive what everyone else got to have, and yet I still ended up with chapter seven. I’ve unapologetically been myself ever since. Look at everything I’ve been rewarded with thus far for doing so. If you keep playing by the rules and nothing is working, then the game may have been rigged against you from the beginning. Going outside the box isn’t just an idea, it’s a necessity.

All of this doesn’t just apply on a grand scale either, it also applies on a much more individual one. If there’s something you wanna do but feel weird about doing, is it because there’s actually something wrong with it or because you’re worried about how your friends and peers would judge you? Cause being worried about what others would think for simply engaging in things that you find cool or fun was never a valid reason not to do something.

Don’t be afraid to embrace who you are because of the labels people might slap on you and the way they might misinterpret you. That goes for anything and everything. If you’ve made yourself as clear as possible then it’s an issue with their comprehension, not your expression.

Being yourself & staying true isn’t just beneficial for your own development, but also for your interpersonal life. Whether or not you ever realize it, there are people just like you all across the globe. They’re just concealing themselves for the same reasons you do. By staying true to who you are, you will naturally attract those people to you. They will certainly be much rarer to come across, but at least they’ll actually be able to find you, instead of either not knowing you exist or not realizing you’re someone they could connect with. The difference between conforming & remaining authentic is comparable to quantity vs quality.

I’m not suggesting there are no advantages to successfully changing or masking who you are to fit in. I’m saying that ultimately, you could either have rare but quality connections in your life, or a vast number of connections that leave you feeling emptier than if you had just went through life solo. It’s entirely up to you.

Developing your sense of autonomy is important. You have the power to do what you want to do and refuse what you don’t want to do. Part of that is practicing speaking up for yourself, no matter how small the situation is. I still had that issue last year but then after one too many instances of me regretting not saying something, I changed. I stopped having these long trains of thought about “what if this” or “what if that”.

I was overthinking the most basic and forgettable interactions which was always at my expense. If you don’t speak up for yourself, then who exactly is going to do it for you? It’ll feel extremely weird and possibly nerve racking because you’ve never done it before, but you have to break down that barrier. Once you do it the first time, the second time is much easier, and every subsequent time gets easier to the point that you will one day forget how difficult it once was.

“Ask and you shall receive” is a very real thing. It’s similar to the idea that closed mouths don’t get fed. You’re not guaranteed anything, but you’ll be surprised by how much you can receive in life if you simply just ask.

Developing your sense of autonomy also means getting in tune with what it is you even like and dislike. Pay attention to those faint feelings of “hey I don’t like this” or “hey I don’t wanna do this” or “wow I think I might like that”. When you get those faint feelings, don’t ignore them, act on them. You’ll feel weird about doing so at first, but do it. No matter how small it is. Just like before, you doing it the first time breaks down the barrier and allows every subsequent time to be much easier. This is how you will slowly gain a sense of self & autonomy. Next time you’re in a situation where you know you should be following your sense of self, think about all the times you didn’t and how you regretted it.

These things are all practices, and each step you take makes it much easier. You might be an over thinker in which case I’d like to remind you that nobody gives a fuck as much as you do or as much as you think they do. No one.

No matter how embarrassing it might seem, asking for help now and succeeding later is better than dying wherever you’re at. It just is. Even if you can’t see it. It’s all about the big picture. Even just the mere act of asking might save your life regardless of whether or not you receive it.

For those of you that have considered trying the system, you should. I’m not suggesting it because I think it’ll be worthwhile, I’m suggesting it strictly off principle. Because that is what trying is about. Exhausting all your options and seeing what works. If the idea of having a great therapist means everything to you, or you feel like you need medication, then go for it. If you are questioning the accuracy of your prior diagnosis, and want to get “professionally” reevaluated, you should do that. I think the path to getting the help you desire from the system will be quite turbulent if you ever even do receive it, but if you have it in you to keep trying till you find the right person, then I encourage it. I can’t tell you what you need, only you can do that. I nor anyone else should be able to stop you from fulfilling those needs. We don’t even know each other.

If you do decide to interact with the system then remember that the entire thing is supposed to be serving you, despite the fact that it feels like the opposite. Helping you is the system’s sole purpose, and if it isn’t doing that, then don’t ignore it. Whichever “professional” you’re dealing with should be someone that makes you feel like they’re truly listening, responding, and walking you through your concerns and explaining things to you in a way that feels both empathetic & truly informative. You should feel like this person actually gives a fuck. If that’s not happening, you need to find someone else. Also remember that just because someone is kind and friendly, that doesn’t mean they’re good at their job.

If you feel like the “professional” you’re interacting with said something very strange or disrespectful, or is doing something they shouldn’t, call it out to their face. You can be as polite or disrespectful about it as you want to be. Although if you’re being forced to interact with the system at any point, against your will, just lie and comply to get out as fast as possible.

In regards to medication, don’t be afraid or embarrassed to look into these medications on your own and how people feel about them. Talk to other people with the same disorder as you and ask what their experience was or is like. You have the absolute right to know exactly what is going in your body and how it might affect you. There is not a soul on the planet that should be able to take this right away from you. If your doctor wants to be pissy or belittle you for how assertive you choose to be regarding the medications you want access to or the medications you have concerns about taking, then find a new doctor.

If you got lucky and found adequate help, make sure some element of your progress is being done entirely on your own. Because a lot of people heavily intertwine their growth with the system, so they think any progress they made is strictly because of it. This is a problem because if the system is ever not an option for whatever reason, those people go back to thinking they’re incapable. Your progress cannot be 100% dependent on the status of your relationship with the system. You cannot view all the progress you make as a direct result of listening to your “professional”. You have to consciously view the progress you make as something you did yourself, even if the system helped guide you.

Also make sure to give your current situation a little thought. Like are you actually fucking with the medication that you’re taking? Are you comfortable & satisfied with the way your therapist or psychiatrist conducts themselves? And it doesn’t have to be major discrepancies. You might see major improvements from making slight adjustments. You may not realize that small tweaks are all that’s needed to get the most out of your treatment in general.

I encourage everyone and I mean everyone to be open and speak up about the things they experience with the system. Whether it’s as light as therapy or as intense as the psych ward. Doesn’t matter how positive or negative the experience was or how mundane. It all matters. This also means leaving reviews on websites. Therapists, psychiatrists, hospitals, whatever it is, leave a review. Make it so that the next person considering their services can use that information to make a better informed decision. Or in other words, leave a review for the next person that’s in the same position you were in. Don’t be afraid to name names. I also highly encourage people with mental issues & disorders to share with other likeminded people what worked for them in bettering their life. It’s okay to do that.

Right here is the perfect place to announce that I didn’t just make mythmhs so you could read Myth in its entirety. I plan to develop it into hopefully the primary mental health resource anyone actually needs, in the sense that everything you need to help navigate your life and the system is right here. I want to develop it into a remarkable hub of good digestible information on various disorders and forms of treatment, as well as guides on how to improve various aspects of your quality of life, and how to best navigate the mental health system. I want the website to be the perfect place for anyone in need of some assistance. There will also be a video for each disorder that I cover. So for those who either can’t or don’t want to interact with the system for whatever the reason may be, I’m going to do what I can to minimize that gap in information and treatment. It’ll all be available for a monthly subscription of $11.99—I’m just fucking with you.

As for when you should expect any of this, not anytime soon. And I mean anyyyyytime soon. I’m beyond tired of making serious content and my channel will be going in a different direction after Myth. I view mythmhs as a side project. One I will eventually complete. You can always use the Updates tab to see what is planned and what is new. As a final note, never forget that you are not broken & beyond fixing just because this busted ass system didn’t work for you.

When it comes to relationships—more specifically advice on how to attain them or what to expect—the reality is nobody can really tell you how your social life is supposed to go. The ones that give more “positive” advice are usually really out of touch people that only care to influence how others view relationships cause they’re sensitive to how things seemingly are. So you’re getting advice that is so off base from someone that doesn’t care to help you but actually cares to dictate how people approach relationships so they can mold the culture they want to be dominant. Not to mention they’ve never even experienced the predicament they’re trying to give advice on. Ignore those people.

The only 2 things anyone can more or less guarantee you is that if you barely interact with people you’ll likely never find anyone worthwhile, and if you do remain authentic you have a higher chance of anyone you do attract being worthwhile. Outside of that, there isn’t really much anyone can guarantee you. You may never come across anyone, you may also get extremely lucky and find someone worth keeping. Nobody can dictate that. I don’t know who you are, where you’re from, what you look like, your personality, your strengths, your “flaws”, your options, who interests you, etc.—how could I or anyone else possibly tell you confidently how your life is supposed to go in that area?

If there’s anything you should definitively do it’s stop consuming any relationship or sex based content and discourse on the internet. It’s the most out of touch, disingenuous and pissy shit you will ever come across. Nobody is normal about sex and relationships online. You will only regain any normalcy yourself if you distance yourself from those people. I promise you the people you’ll want in your life aren’t engaging with that shit regardless of what’s being said.

If you’re someone that has never really known how anything is supposed to go, find other people like you to discuss these things with instead of folks whose only interest is pushing the agendas they want to be prevalent. Especially considering that these conversations never account for people with mental or emotional issues or differences. None of what they talk about has people like you in mind, nor would they ever know what to do with you.

The way societal standards are shaping up these days even regular people can barely keep up with them anyway, and you’re supposed to be able to? That doesn’t make sense now does it.

When it came to social interaction I used to feel like everyone understood something I didn’t. I wasn’t terrible at it at all, I unintentionally did very well in getting people to like me, but I still failed at being where everyone else was at and having what everyone else did. It was strange and sometimes frustrating to think about.

Like metaphorically, imagine being with a group of people, and you understand what they’re saying; they’re there, and you’re there, but you’re not there with them. It’s like I excelled at surface level interactions but the moment it came to anything more meaningful, I’d immediately feel like everyone else knew something I didn’t. Eventually though I just realized that people simply just don’t make sense. Too many inconsistencies, gaps in logic relative to desires and concerns, and so many dumb irrelevant social things that seemingly matter for some reason.

If you think the world has gotten shittier from a social perspective, you would be right. If you also think people in general just don’t make sense, that would also be a fair assessment. People get strangely irritated when your expectations or views on social engagement are less positive than they’d like them to be as if they aren’t the exact type of person responsible for the widespread declining interest in social engagement.

Should you be someone that doesn’t prioritize or base your life around sex and relationships, don’t let anyone make you feel weird for it. There’s so much unwarranted anger when someone decides they’d rather not bother. Which primarily seems to be because people absolutely love dangling your social, sexual & romantic desirability in front of you in efforts to shame you to submission. Once that’s no longer an option people literally have nothing left they can use to try and make you feel bad about something. This may sound quite random but it all ties back to how much people hate those they know they cannot control in any capacity.

I don’t really have any opinion to give on the state of things since I don’t care anymore mostly but it’s important you have leveled expectations of how your future might turn out. I don’t think you should hold out hope for the relationships you desire, however I also don’t think you should completely rule out something that could still come your way. In other words, if relationships are something you spend a lot of time thinking about, you should move on, but leave that door slightly open so if someone worthwhile does come along they can actually stay.

All of this is easy for me to say though because I’ve developed a strong aversion towards entertaining relationships of any kind. No matter how many different colors people come in they all end up being the same shade of disappointment. People seem allergic to the bare minimum so I sincerely don’t have a fuck to give. If you still do then I can only hope you find someone worthwhile soon.

If you’re worried about how you will change as a person from having to deal with everything on your own, I think you should embrace those changes instead of being hesitant. There’s nothing you can do about your situation anyway and it’s not your fault. 2 years back I was worried for how my relationship with human beings as a collective would change, and 2 years later, I’m fine with the changes I was forced to go through. I feel better for it. I think many people are much more capable being on their own than they realize. The thought of it used to scare me a few years back and yet years later I actually prefer it. When you go long enough without love you will eventually adapt to that, naturally.

If you’re apart of a physical community like a campus or a sports team or whatever it may be, take advantage of that. You may very easily get nothing out of it, but you won’t know until you try. I think it’s also much better to at least know there was nothing of value in the space you were in instead of always looking back feeling regret that you never said anything. It might seem scary, especially if you’ve been around these people so long and never said anything, but just do it. There is a significantly higher chance people will feel positively about you being more social and interacting with them than there is that they find it weird that the kid who never speaks is finally talking.

When it comes to people in general, start reciprocating the treatment they give you. The ones that start to dislike you tells you everything you need to know. I don’t ever give anyone more than what they give me. It’s saved me quite a bit.

When it comes to love, love should make you feel good. Love should make you feel safe. Love should make you feel protected. Love should make you feel calm. Love should make you feel powerful. Your world should feel bigger because of them, not smaller. Platonic or romantic makes no difference here. When no one has ever shown you you’re deserving of love it can greatly distort your relationship with it altogether, but you absolutely deserve to know what proper love feels like, especially if you’ve never had it before. Don’t settle for anything less than what I just described. Don’t ever settle in life period. I rather have nothing than something I don’t want, which I’ve clearly demonstrated.

Understand that love heals, but it cannot fix. There’s growth that can’t be had until you receive proper love, but there is a substantial amount of growth that needs to be done on your own accord, regardless of the state of your social life. Take the time to figure out if you simply need healing or if you have personal issues you need to address that can only be addressed on your own. You may find yourself in a position where you can’t even get yourself to address personal problems until you have some sort of love to keep you going, but still, even then, at least you’ll already know what to address should you one day be able. With all that in mind, yes, it is possible to be in a position where you just need an adequate relationship to heal you from a lot of pain. The idea that you’re somehow supposed to be 100% perfectly okay on your own is disingenuous. Nobody should be codependent but nobody was suggesting that to begin with.

Babies lack a thing called object permanence. If you put a toy truck in front of them it exists to them. If you remove it from their vision it no longer exists to them. But obviously you and me both know that object is still real. It’s just in another room. The same thing can be applied to many borderlines, and you could just call it emotional permanence. When the care or affection is no longer in front of you, it no longer exists to you, so it must not exist at all. But that isn’t true. Think of the love your partner, family and/or friends give you as that toy truck, or maybe something more sentimental to you. You may not be able to tangibly feel it or touch it, but it still exists.

If that still isn’t enough, then take pictures or screenshots of things that remind you how much these people care about you, and look at them whenever you doubt the way they feel about you. Most importantly, every time you practice emotional permanence, makes sure it sticks with you. Make sure you use it as conscious proof that your brain isn’t always right about the way it feels. That way the permanence will actually develop. This is all very important, because you very easily can destroy the relationships you love if you keep going off the assumption that the people that love you actually don’t.

If you’re someone that ghosts people when things are going good, cut that shit out. Especially if it’s due to guilt you feel from previous relationships? Cut that shit out. If you’re someone that hurts others emotionally to see if they actually feel anything towards you, thus proving they do care about you, cut that shit out as well. Cut all that bullshit out immediately. I promise you are doing nothing but ruining whatever you have. I know that’s the technically the whole point of self sabotaging but you need to remember that when something’s ruined it can’t be restored to its original condition, and certainly will never be anything better than that. If that person actually means something to you then you better to do everything in your power to conquer those urges. Your behavior is hurting them.

If I just described who you are, know that this doesn’t make you a “bad” person or undeserving of love. Just try to be better. Every interaction is an opportunity to do better. If you love the people in your life like you claim, you will make that effort. Remember to show yourself some grace while doing so. And be forthcoming to those people about your efforts in being better. Declare it, and ask them periodically if you’ve actually improved. If you’re someone that thinks you can keep pulling the same stunts and no one will notice, I can assure you they already do. If you’re someone that can’t help but feel like they need to ruin every good thing that comes their way or be an ass just to prove some meaningless idea about themselves related to self worth or punishment, then steer clear from people altogether if you have no intentions on changing that. Nobody got time for that shit.

If you tend to get angry or frustrated in your relationships, to the point of snapping, it’s either a sign that you and the other person should not be together at all or that you have a lot of reflecting to do and work to put in.

When it comes to dealing with conflicts in a relationship, look at the situation objectively, then acknowledge how you feel, then combine them both to come a conclusion. But you have to separate the two the best you can first. This is a skill that you have to keep using & tweaking in order to refine it and make it more accurate.

When addressing issues you have with someone, it should never take more than once. Otherwise you’re just signing yourself up for a toxic cycle of promise and disappointment. There’s only so many times someone can make you look stupid until you’re just doing it to yourself. Admittedly I myself don’t even address issues anymore I just cut people off or keep my distance, cause honestly, people don’t change. You might have, but that doesn’t mean others did. Assume no one is different no matter how much time has passed. Don’t ever waste your time trying to change people either. Accept them how they are. Take it or leave it. People will want to contest sentiments like this yet always fail to show any evidence. I can’t think of a single time I tried addressing an issue and it actually leading to anything changing.

Should you find yourself breaking up with someone who you loved near and dear, your life isn’t over. It will certainly feel that way. But it’s not over. It’ll feel impossible to believe you are going to find someone you love like that the same way ever again, and I’m not one to convince people, but just know, everything you’re feeling will one day pass, and the world will feel a bit new again. It’s just how it is.

If you currently have relationships in your life, take a moment to truly evaluate them. Do they make you happy? Do they fulfill you? Why and why not? Don’t be afraid to cut people off that make you feel a sense of dread anytime you think of them. Don’t be afraid to cut people off that disrespect you especially on some slick shit. Don’t be afraid to cut people off that constantly add stress to your life. Don’t be afraid to cut people off that always take and never give. Don’t be afraid to cut people off where all you do is wish they cared about you as much as you care about them. Don’t be afraid to cut people off that love guilt tripping you into doing their bidding. Don’t be afraid to cut people off that you naturally don’t even think about when you fantasize about an ideal future. Don’t be afraid to cut people off that make you feel embarrassed about the things you enjoy and the things that make you happy. Don’t be afraid to cut people off that you feel like do nothing but constantly judge you. Don’t be afraid to cut people off that you don’t fully trust. Don’t be afraid to cut people off that violate your boundaries. Don’t be afraid to cut people off that don’t listen. Don’t be afraid to cut people off that hurt you. And don’t ever be afraid to cut people off that make you feel alone. Would you keep eating a meal that made you feel hungry? Sounds stupid doesn’t it?

When evaluating your relationships, you may feel strange due to how they are on paper not aligning with how they make you feel. That’s because you won’t feel a connection with everyone and that is important to remember. Someone may be a nice person on their own but there is so much more depth to what makes a strong connection than simply their good nature. It’s important to recognize this instead of assuming there’s something wrong with you because this person who seems good on paper doesn’t do anything to actually satisfy you emotionally.

It’s undoubtedly not a fun position to be in, and by no means am I saying you need to cut them off, but be aware that it is very important that you actually feel a connection to those around you. If you never have, I would argue you’ve simply yet to come across the right people. Sounds ridiculous considering how long you’ve been alive, but chances are you’ve been around the same type of people your whole life.

When it comes to family, everything I’ve said regarding letting people go applies to them too. You don’t need to keep family around that make you miserable. You also don’t owe anyone forgiveness just cause they’re related to you. Niggas will spend years on end turning your life into one big cleanup job you’ll be stuck doing for the rest of it and think they’re owed forgiveness. Die.

Often times family members will also expect you to forgive them because they had to reluctantly forgive the family member in their life that fucked them over. Don’t fall for that. Has nothing to do with you. The concept that you’re doing what they couldn’t simply sets them off.

Ultimately, blood means nothing. If it did they would’ve never treated you that way. If blood meant something like people suggest, child abuse wouldn’t be the most prevalent crime people get away with. It is all too common for people to treat family members in significantly worse ways than they ever would anyone else. If blood means anything in this world, it means you can treat them as poorly as you want and get away with it. The whole world will give you a pass. It’s fucking disgusting.

Being blood related to somebody doesn’t change the fact that you are constantly subjected to their behavior for potentially several hours every single day. Being blood related doesn’t make that any healthier. Being blood related doesn’t change the fact you deal with constant yelling and arguing. Being blood related doesn’t change the fact that someone took advantage of you sexually. Being blood related doesn’t change the fact that there are bruises on your body. Being blood related doesn’t change the fact that you spend half your brainpower fearing for your life. Being blood related doesn’t change how traumatizing the things you’ve seen were. Being blood related doesn’t make them any less pathetic. Why this world has so much sympathy for child abusers I’ll never know.

If you currently struggle with conflicting feelings towards a family member, and you feel a sincere desire to find a way to make that relationship work, then you should make the effort. But don’t lose yourself in the process. There’s only so many times you can address an issue before it’s clear they have no actual desire to change. Remember they had nearly (if not more) than 2 decades to change their behavior and still chose not to. It shouldn’t take burying someone to realize you were mistreating them.

And you don’t need to feel guilty because of the way you feel due to their mistreatment of you. That’s absolutely ridiculous. If a family member has worsened the way you view yourself, makes you dread their presence every time you’re near them, can be traced back as the source for issues and emotions that still impact you greatly, behaves in a way you’d never tolerate from anyone else, behaves in a way you yourself would never subject anyone to, and makes you feel peace when they’re not around; you don’t have a single thing to feel guilt about. You don’t owe them anything. People want to act like because someone did the bare minimum to avoid what would otherwise be a literal homicide charge and a child with a tombstone that you owe them something.

Even if the person you’re thinking of has done things for you that you’re sincerely grateful for—things above the bare minimum—that should still not excuse bad behavior. It’s a very shitty and conflicting position to be in, it may last years or even a lifetime, but I don’t think the default conclusion should be to just sweep it under the rug. If anything, the bad they’ve done can cancel out with the good they’ve done to leave you in a position where you don’t hate them but you also don’t have much affection for them. That is fine too.

Familial relationships are some of the most complicated and how you should navigate it should be entirely based on what you feel is best for you and would make you feel happiest. Don’t let anyone make you feel bad or weird about your decision. Especially not those who have no idea what it’s even like. You’re the one that’s going to have to interact with that family member, not them. Your parents are the ones that chose to have you, you didn’t choose to have them.

If you realized you’re in the same position as me where one of your parents in an isolated sense weren’t that terrible but they allowed the other parent to essentially ruin your life and never took you seriously for the decade you spent trying to make them do something about it; it hit me recently that you truly cannot love both someone and their abuser, and there’s no amount of naivety that can excuse this. You can’t love someone you never made an effort to protect. In a decision between me and her I already know who he’ll choose. Is what it is. I thought it would take a long time to outgrow any emotional attachment to him, like two years, but it surprisingly only took around 3 weeks.

If you’re someone that feels so negatively towards a family member or parent specifically but you’ve been holding off for so long on truly embracing the way you feel, I want you to never forget that every parent that’s dead to their kids has earned it. Every last one. Do you know how worthless & terrible someone has to be to render some of the most stubborn & hardwired programming in our species irrelevant? Do you know how ridiculous it is for a child to spend so many of their developmental years trying to communicate with someone that is somehow much more of a fucking child than they are?

Don’t let anybody hit you with that “ungrateful” bullshit either. If that word is in their vocabulary then that’s not a relationship worth saving. Imagine having to guilt trip your kids into thinking your existence adds anything to their lives instead of draining from it. So many loving wannabe parents that can’t have children of their own due to infertility, and yet it had to be them and not you…

No matter what you endured growing up by any family member, you have nothing to be ashamed of, especially regarding the ways in which it affected you. And you would never tell a child the abuse they endured was their fault, so I don’t know why that wouldn’t apply to yourself. If you were sexually abused, it’s not any less valid because you were a boy, and it’s not any more “deserved” because you were a girl. Either way, you have nothing to be ashamed of and never did. In general, no one should ever be touching you in a way you don’t like, no matter how old you are.

When it comes to any relationship you have in your life, especially toxic ones, prioritizing yourself is important. It’s okay to do that. A lot of people feel guilty and selfish for doing so and it’s silly. You can still do all the “good” things you want to do for others while prioritizing yourself. If anything it puts you in a better position to do so. People act like if you aren’t a textbook people pleaser then you’re incapable of doing anything “good” for others or that you must not want to. If I tell you to do whatever you want and you think that means be the worst person you can think of, that reflects entirely on you and none on me. To prioritize yourself simply means making sure your needs are taken care of. It’s making sure you’re not constantly bending over backwards for others. It’s making sure you don’t lose yourself in your efforts to show up for someone else. Too many people sacrifice the quality of their own lives for people that would never do the same.

Of course, you may have splendid people in your life, and being there for those you love may be baked into your spirit, but it is still important to make sure you’re in good condition. If the people you love need you, then you should make sure you’re in the best condition to provide the best support. And that could be as simple as taking an hour or two to yourself throughout whatever’s going on. To be clear, my overall point with this is not that you should put yourself above loved ones in any and every scenario. I’m just reminding you to remember you are a human being too with your own needs, and to not allow guilt or made up obligation to be the reason you are tanking yourself for someone who doesn’t even deserve someone like you.

Whether or not you’ve been wronged by others or life itself, do what you can to protect your heart. It is worth protecting. Even if you have no one to share it with. Cause when it comes down to it that’s all you really have.

If you’re a kind hearted person that’s contemplated letting that part of you go forever—don’t. Ignore that train of thought. Every so often someone will come online saying how being a good person gets them nothing, and then a bunch of dense fucks pop out the woodworks to misinterpret what that person is saying. Nobody expects their kindness to be rewarded. People just don’t expect their kindness to be the reason they get mistreated and shit on. When it happens enough times, that’s when they consider killing that part of themselves entirely.

If that’s how you feel, then instead of being kind to everyone, just practice reserving it for those deserving of it. Because you are needed in this world so much more than you know. It’s objectively better with you in it. Doesn’t matter if you agree. And the people you’re kind to may never tell you how much something you said or did meant to them, but you still made that difference. For every person that shows gratitude there are about 10 more who felt the same way but didn’t say anything, for any number of reasons.

I think in general, people should prioritize their attention and good energy towards those that are deserving, while ignoring everyone else. Those that can’t understand this tend to end up becoming very resentful for constantly putting out an energy that always seems to come back the opposite. It’s always saddening seeing a kind hearted person kill that part of them completely because the world seemingly punished them for it.

Lastly, if you have an older family member or friend that means a lot to you, make sure to spend some time with them. Give them a call, pay them a visit, give them a hug, even simply a text; just try to do something. Whoever it was that popped into your head just now upon hearing that, go do it. If you feel like you don’t have the energy to do any of that, go find it. You don’t want the regret that comes with death.

When it comes to evaluating the state of your life, be sure to recognize and appreciate what you have. The bad in your life is so consuming that it can completely blind you to the good that surrounds you. So take a moment to really think about the things you’re grateful for. The bad in your life doesn’t have to cancel out the good. For example, you can hate where you live and who you live with and still be grateful towards having a warm bed to sleep in every night. These things don’t cancel each other out.

If you have running water and food to eat, you should be appreciative of that. If money isn’t one of your biggest concerns right now, you should be appreciative of that. If you still have your hearing and your eyesight, you should be appreciative of that. All that music you listen to? All that porn you watch? If you have no physical conditions, disorders or diseases, you should be appreciative of that. I myself can’t even handle a sore throat. I don’t think I’d have it in me to deal with any chronic illness. I’ll take being fucked in the head over fucked in the body any day of the week.

Being appreciative for what you have doesn’t render the bad in your life irrelevant. They honestly have nothing to do with each other. It just helps a lot more than you think to be aware of the positives around you even if your reality is still overall drowned in negatives.

And no, I’m not saying that because someone else has it worse than you that what you’re experiencing isn’t as bad. Don’t think like that. Comparing traumas is a horrible thing to do. Just because someone is going through “worse” than you doesn’t mean your situation isn’t bad. That kind of thinking is what leads people to warped perceptions of what they’re dealing with, to the point of ignoring and downplaying major issues. All I’m suggesting is, throughout all the pain and anger, you can allow a little bit of light from the few positives you do possess.

If you keep feeling friction with the life you’re currently living, with feelings that it’s not good enough for you, take it as a sign, cause you’re probably right. I spent many years periodically getting hit with this intense desire to just ghost everyone and move far away to start a new life. I don’t have those urges anymore, for obvious reasons. This made me realize that those feelings weren’t just there for no reason or of any fault of my own brain. They were simply a natural response to the life I was living. But of course, when your current reality is all you’ve ever known, your entire world view is limited to it.

I don’t think the vast majority of people realize just how massive this world really is and how much opportunity exists. The only way your world view will expand is to either be exposed to the possibilities or to truly allow your ambition to take you where you need to go. In any case, stop ignoring how you feel. You feel that way for a reason.

If you’ve blown your life up, with an impact like I did, or worse, because of an event that may or may not have been out your control, know that it’s not over. You have a lot of pieces to pick up, yes, but it’s worth doing. And it’ll feel like a whirlwind. It’s embarrassment, it’s cringe, it’s inadequacy, it’s feeling like everyone’s pointing and snickering at how much of a fucking freak you are, it’s feeling exiled from the world even though you aren’t, it’s feeling like you will never climb back to the level of respectability you had before it all happened so how could you possibly turn yourself into something even better than who you used to be?

But all those feelings are still worth pushing through. It’s uncomfortable. It’s awkward. It’s painful. But it’s worth it. The whirlwind will die down eventually, and it can do so faster the more work you put in. If you keep feeding it, it’ll never go away. If and when you do get past it don’t ever doubt yourself like that again, cause you are a rarity. When most people blow their life up they either don’t bother to pick up pieces or they’re incapable. But if you managed to succeed in that, then do not ever disrespect yourself by doubting your capabilities. It’s just not acceptable.

If you desire change in your life, you have to try. Even if you don’t know the odds, you have to try. Even if you think little of yourself, you have to try. Even if you don’t know what the fuck you’re doing, you have to try. Even if you have failed several times before, you have to try. Unless there isn’t anything left in you to give, you have to try. And that also means you keep trying. You can either have a chance at something or a guarantee at nothing. It all comes down to how bad do you want it.

You may doubt your ability to succeed in your efforts, but I honestly don’t think you’re a good enough judge. A lot of you are much more capable than you realize. None of you realize how much untapped potential you are sitting on. Despite my confidence in the summer of ’21, I had no idea I was capable of what I am now. My goals back then compared to the goals I would eventually set my eyes on are vastly different in scope. Being forced into a position where I either die or figure it out made me capable of some shit I never really thought possible. And the thing is that I was always capable. It just took a certain experience to force it out of me. Stop asking if you can do it, start asking how you’re gonna go get it.

There is nothing corny, lame or embarrassing about trying. I promise you. Nobody that has actually tried to accomplish something difficult or time consuming in life would make fun of someone else for trying their best to accomplish the same thing, or anything that is obviously a dedicated effort. Take the gym for example. A lot of people have anxiety about it because they think they’ll get made fun of for being a newcomer especially if they’re out of shape. But the reality is 99% of gym goers either have no opinion or have respect on some level for you even showing up. People that have gotten in shape or have actually made efforts in the past know how difficult it is to not only do the workouts and regimens but to also stay committed. If I saw someone making fun of someone else for trying to lose weight or gain muscle my genuine first thought would be that the individual has never tried to do the same a day in their life.

Everyone also starts somewhere and the people you see in the gym also remember where they started. So even if you are much more scrawny or overweight than most people were when they started; in their minds if they saw you they’d have even more respect for you showing up because they know how much bigger your hill is to climb. That is why anybody who would shit on somebody else for trying what they’ve already accomplished would be heavily frowned upon. How do you go through something that demanding & humbling and then try to tear somebody down for making that same effort you did? When you know how much vulnerability it takes to stay dedicated? It’s nothing short of malicious. All the people that would have it in them to judge or make fun of you for trying will be the exact same ones to do a 180 once you succeed anyway. So seriously why give a shit?

You also gotta remember that the majority of people do not give a flying fuck you exist. Somebody with bills to pay and a job to show up to is not going to think about the one time you did that slightly embarrassing thing 4 weeks ago that every human being has done at some point. If you made a mistake at the gym and someone saw you, they might think about it once or twice, but as soon as they leave the gym they will never think about it again.

Never feel embarrassed about the path you take in the effort to achieve what you want. You don’t have to copy anyone else and you shouldn’t even be doing that anyway. People are different. What works for someone else may not work for you. Even if it does, that doesn’t mean its optimal. Your path might be unconventional, or take longer than others, or require specific things, but that is completely irrelevant. If the way you do things gets you way further than everyone else, does it matter how you did it? Instead of comparing yourself to the people who you think are doing it “normally” and “better” than you, compare yourself to all the people who aren’t even trying. That’s a lot of fucking people.

If you’re dealing with doubt from those around you, you need to remember that people will judge your capabilities based off both their own and those they know. You might be a great recording artist, but you tell your friends you wanna make a hit and they’re doubting you because they know they could never make a good song and no one they know can either. Plus they think you’re nothing too special so they don’t honestly believe you have what it takes.

But their conclusion of you is not much of a reflection of you. Especially if you’ve never really shown them the real you anyway. When you’ve known someone for years, and they think they know you and that y’all are on an equal level, it can offend them to think you had much more potential than them the whole time. If you live by the verdicts of others you will never get anywhere in life.

If you decide you’re going to try, it has to be a firm and conscious decision. You have to say to yourself you are going to try. It might seem silly but you need to do it. You need a dedicated moment to yourself where you are concluding you are going to give your future a genuine shot.

When trying, don’t be afraid of failure. Everyone that has ever tried has failed. Absolutely everyone—including the people who you’ve never seen fail. The only difference between you and them is that they continued trying. Don’t fool yourself into thinking there’s something special about them that allowed them to do so. You possess the exact same abilities necessary to keep trying like they did.

If we’re talking trying on a grand scale, like a mass effort to achieve a significant life goal, you can’t let failure prevent you. If you feel discouraged by the general odds of a person achieving the goal you’re aiming for, you gotta remember that a big reason for those odds is because most people don’t even try and even more importantly don’t give it their all. It’s a lot of half assed attempts contributing to those odds. Depending on what it is, it’s also a lot of ill informed attempts. A lot of people fail at certain things in life because they lacked the proper knowledge necessary to know how to avoid common mistakes. You have an internet connection and a search engine at your disposal. It should be near impossible.

And in the event that you do fail, use it as an opportunity to learn. Study your failure. I promise you the majority of successful people would not be where they are today if they didn’t study their fuck ups. There’s always something you can learn, and it may not even be any new information. It can be a confirmation of an issue you already knew and need to work on. Yes the failure will initially sting, but you’ll get over it. Like I’ve already said, gaining the most accurate understanding of your reality is extremely powerful. So instead of belittling yourself over the most human shit imaginable, flip the situation to your advantage instead.

Too many people want to get to where they want to safely but so safely that they don’t have to develop any tools. That’s not how it works. Especially if you plan to embark on a career. Developing tools allows you to handle whatever life throws at you on a dime. That’s way better than only having one plan for one highly specific scenario. It may not sound favorable, but it’s significantly more practical. You just have to be willing to do it. Most importantly, if you don’t, then don’t expect anything great to come out of your life either. What you’re willing to put into life is exactly how much you’re able to get back. If you’re only willing to make a small ripple in the water of course you won’t get much response.

Recognize that free time is an absolute privilege. There is a significant number of people in the same position as you (and worse) that don’t have anywhere near as much time to spend doing something about it. So especially for the younger crowd that can afford to spend time trying, failing, and trying again—utilize that opportunity for everything it’s worth. “I could never be you” and I could’ve never been me if I didn’t spend so much time trying to be and failing and trying again.

I made numerous attempts across several years to change my life that all failed except one, and arguably even that was a failure. When it came time to build a new life and embark on my career, I knew that I was in the perfect position to do so, because I could now combine everything I learned from all my previous attempts, and I truly felt like I had failed and learned enough times to where there was nothing left to do but put all that information together and go for it.

Similar to how trying isn’t embarrassing, failure inherently isn’t either. Of course it still can be depending on the context and severity, but there is nothing inherently embarrassing about failing. The only person who will ever care and think as much about your failure is you. And if you’re that desperate to rid yourself of whatever perceptions you think are tied to you because of that failure, then succeeding despite of it is your only real option anyway. I just spent about two minutes speaking on failure—that’s how long you should spend feeling bad about yours before moving on.

In regards to confidence; something I didn’t realize until putting this chapter together is that a significant amount of issues disappear once you’re confident. Things that don’t seem like they have any relation are actually all the way related. There’s an obsession with how to gain confidence, but I think it stems from a misunderstanding of what confidence actually is. Cause for context, before I ever had any I had this idea that confidence was like this emotion or feeling that just sits in the center of your being that guides you wherever you want to take it. But in reality it’s never really that dramatic. It’s actually quite calm. When you gain confidence, it’s more so the removal of fear and insecurity towards something. To be fearful & insecure at any point in life though is to be human. Confident people still experience that. How they get past it is a matter of their level of bravery. Another concept that’s misinterpreted.

Bravery isn’t going into something without fear, it’s being fearful and doing it anyway. By nature that’s not really something anyone can hand you any sort of book on. For me personally though, it always helps to just yell “fuck it” and dive right in. Even it takes a few tries, I eventually do it, cause when it comes down to it, if I know something needs to be done then it’s either now or later, and if it’s going to happen anyway, I might as well do it now.

So back to the obsession of how to gain confidence, it’s much more logical than you might’ve thought. If you don’t know who you are, what you’re doing, what you want, how to get it or at least where to start, then of course you lack confidence. Ask anyone who you deem as confident, they could answer those questions immediately. Figure those things out first, and then let go of the idea that you “need permission”. You don’t need permission to declare who you are. You don’t need permission to declare what you want out of life and that, matter of fact, you do want it. You want it very fucking badly. You don’t need permission to figure out how to get what you want and pursue it.

One of the worst things about today is that people feel they don’t have permission to do anything when in reality they never needed it. Cause you could know yourself and your desires as intimately as you want—if you lack the ability to assert it, none of it will matter. And in this context, you lack confidence because the world you live in has made you feel like you’re doing something wrong. This issue is so bad, that people with confidence are seen as conceited, arrogant, full of themselves, etc, because everyone else is so painfully conditioned into thinking they need to be docile and unwilling to stand firm on their being.

You ever realized how stupid it is to question the confidence you’re allowed to have because you might end up being all the negative adjectives the people around you may have claimed you’d turn into? When you know who you are, your intentions and what you’d never be? It’s people too afraid to speak up for themselves cause they think what they could be labeled as would be accurate. That’s only possible if you either don’t know who you are or lack the confidence to proclaim it.

So if you want confidence as bad as you claim, you have a lot to figure out first. Then, you need to find the bravery to actually live in your truth. For as long as you are incapable of doing these things, you will never succeed. A man that knows who he is and could tell you while he’s sleeping is hard to crack. The first step to achieving any of this is the same as all the others—try. Stop asking for permission to do shit. Stop asking for permission to live your life and that includes from yourself. Stop asking, start doing.

There’s a lot of fucking noise in the world, you gotta learn how to ignore it and cut through it. Notice how much faster your progress will be. Prioritize yourself, loved ones, and keep a metaphorical door open in your life for good things to stay should they come your way. Ignore everything else. You might feel crazy or stupid for doing so because of how much friction you might feel but you gotta trust yourself. You’re the one believing in the vision you have for your life, no one else.

When it comes to finding a sense of direction in life, it takes more than just introspection to know what you want. That’s only half of it. You also need to know how to attain it. That requires studying the world around you. There’s an abhorrent belief that you can only learn something if someone spoon feeds it to you in a book or a lecture. There is an entire world around you that you can study and learn from. It’s a skill most people aren’t even aware exists and so they’ve never actually developed it. If you’re one of those people, understand that this might be the single most important skill you will ever possess.

Everything I’ve said about obtaining the most accurate understanding of your reality? This plays into it. Open your eyes to the world around you and the people within it. Pay attention to what you see. Interact with what you see so you can extract more information from it. Study those that have failed. Those who haven’t. All of the whys and why nots. Take emotion out of it. At some point, they naturally shouldn’t even be present anymore. If you learn something new or something that changes what you thought you knew, then the canvas changes. That’s it. You will always benefit from prioritizing what’s real over what you feel. Reality might be upsetting to you or damaging to your ego but you will always be better for it. Your only goal should be piecing together the most accurate understanding of your reality so you can use that information to your advantage.

And be sure to study yourself too. Operate from the most neutral place possible. Because if you have an accurate understanding of who you are, your strengths, and your shortcomings, you can combine that information with what you know about your goal in order to now piece together how you’re going to bridge that gap. The truth might sting, but if you’re someone that’s been forced to live the truth your entire life anyway—no privilege of being able to lie to yourself or be naive—then you’ll already be much better at swallowing those truths than you think.

You may not always know how good your assessment of the world and yourself is, but how consistent you are in successfully closing those gaps is a good indicator. Leverage your strengths, and either work on, mitigate, or work around your shortcomings to achieve your goal. That’s exactly how the people you look up to got to where they were at. They’re not special or successful because they lack shortcomings or insecurities. They achieved what they did because they pushed past them. Even the people you least expect to have any most likely have a few.

I was watching Billie Eilish’s Spotify interview with JENNIE and was very surprised to see how insecure JENNIE was while conducting the interview. She even addresses it directly at the end about how amateurish her interviewing skills were.^[3] The whole thing was surprising to me cause she’s always been so confident in the time that I’ve known her. But it reminded me that yes, even people who dominate the areas they’re natural in still get nervous and make mistakes when you take them out their comfort zone. Artists, celebrities and entertainers are not magical beings. They are people. The only difference between you and them is that they keep it pushing.

Knowing how to take advice is another important skill that also plays into this. It sounds ridiculous on the surface but it’s really not. You need to know what’s worth listening to, and how to adapt what someone is saying in a way that can be applied to your life effectively.

I think quite honestly nobody under 25 should be listening to their contemporaries anymore for advice. People have become sucked into these bubbles that are way too contemporary. They’re not only discouraged from looking backwards, there is also so much going on at the current moment that the current moment is all they’re ever really able to focus on. The result is an endless number of lost recipes and people giving out advice that isn’t really worth much, because it’s all surface level “solutions” to very surface level understandings of contemporary issues and frustrations. This usually results in advice that doesn’t take you far, yet is somehow really good at making you think it does.

I get recommended videos of people my age spending the entire run time just expressing surface level ideas about topics that have been discussed and explored to death already, yet they present it as if it’s something new. Often times they also go beyond just expressing a feeling and are trying to give “advice”, but again, it’s just extremely surface level shit from someone who clearly only started pondering shit a month ago. They also tend to overcomplicate a lot of shit to fit into some romanticized version of life they’re trying to maintain.

Maybe it’s unfair of me to speak like this because for decades teenagers and young adults have gravitated towards other teenagers and young adults that express the same confusion and emotions regarding the very contemporary experience of being in that age range. The videos I just described aren’t any different. But still, if you are actually serious about growth and getting what you feel you deserve, you have to go far beyond that type of content.

If you really want to know what you need to know, then study the things people said and did before the internet became the cesspool it is now. Everything you need to know is right there. Look at what sold, who succeeded, who failed, how the public reacted—all of it, because people haven’t really changed. Not enough at least. If you know how to take advice or study what happened many years ago, you could take all the same tricks, modernize them, and excel with them. You will always benefit from studying what’s timeless.

If you’re someone that tries listening to those you agree with the most from some sort of moral standpoint, you need to let that go depending on what advice you’re looking for. If you’re looking for advice in relation to something where someone’s “moral” character directly correlates to the advice itself and determines the kind of guidance you’re looking for, then it matters. But otherwise, you’re simply doing yourself a disservice. Judge the speaker by what they’ve actually accomplished in relation to what they’re talking about. A “bad” person can give fantastic advice. All that matters is if they’ve succeeded or not. Even if the advice itself is intertwined with their “bad” nature, you should already have the skill to take what they say and adapt it in a way that is consistent with your character.

Also remember that advice in general is supposed to be practical, not comforting. People seem to conflate the way advice makes them feel with how good it actually is. People think that advice is supposed to hold your hand when it’s actually supposed to give you tools and expand your thinking. This is how a lot of people end up being convinced to follow someone else’s dream without realizing and being made to feel bad when it doesn’t work out.

A significant amount of the best advice you’ll ever hear is shit that won’t do anything for you unless you actually try doing the thing the speaker is advising you on. That advice might be delivered to you in the most plain, boring or unexciting way possible, but that should be irrelevant. When you seek advice, it should be because you are legitimately seeking answers to your equation, not because it makes you feel good. There’s nothing wrong with advice being comforting but if it’s not practical it’s not worth anything.

When it comes to any advice you seek, you need to remember that have to make your own decisions. Nobody can tell you the specifics of what you want or what you need. Only you can do that. No one can really tell you where to go either because that’s tied to what you want and what you need. Just because advice isn’t any of this for you doesn’t mean it’s not good or worthwhile. If you’ve never made real decisions for yourself before then this is when & where you should start.

If you’re too scared of change, I get it, because for as much as you dislike your current reality, it’s all you’ve known. You’re too scared to leave it or shake it up. You rather the comfort of what’s familiar. But if there’s any part of you you need to kill, it’s that. Similar to how the friction you feel is reflective of your relationship with life, so is your desire for change. You know you want it, and you want it for a reason. If you didn’t desire change you wouldn’t even feel anything towards the idea.

When you start making changes for the first time, it’s going be awkward. No way around that. It’s just how it is. But as time goes on, and you mature into the path you want to go down, things will start to feel so much better. Things will start to feel so much more natural. Things will start to synergize and feel like they just “click”. But you got to go through that awkward stage first. Nobody just hits the ground running.

Remember though that you actually need to do something. There’s an epidemic of yearners with no desire to actually attain the thing they yearn for. They just like the comfort the thought of having that thing gives them. And there’s nothing inherently wrong with indulging in that comfort, but only if you’re also doing what you can to make it something you no longer have to yearn for anymore.

If you really want something as bad you claim to, go prove it. If you hate your life so much that you would do anything to change it, go prove it. If you feel like your fantasies of the future are what you deserve and nothing less, go prove it. You’d stop believing someone if all they did was talk and never do, so how are you the exception? This isn’t about success, it’s about effort. If you saw someone giving something their all and you know that they don’t even know if it’ll actually pay off or not, you would conclude this person wants their goal more than anything.

A lot of people put in so little thinking they gave it their all—no you didn’t. This is simply brand new to you so you’re still unaware of your capabilities and what it really means to dedicate yourself to something. If you really tried as hard as you claim to, there should be easily spottable evidence of such. If you truly tried, whether you succeeded or failed, there will always be evidence.

If you struggle with getting yourself to do what you need to do, then tell yourself to do the opposite of what you used to do. That’s exactly what I told myself in May of 2022, and despite the circumstances, it’s one of the most impactful things I have ever constantly reminded myself of. If you do all of the same things you used to do, change is impossible. That literally goes against the definition. So if you want change, whether in life or yourself, do the opposite of what the old you would’ve done.

How many times before have you said you were gonna do something, a long term change, and then a year went by and you looked back and felt so shitty thinking about how much progress you could’ve made by now had you just done what you said you would? Help Yourself is no different. One year from the day you’re reading this is going to come regardless of the decisions you make. How your life looks on that date is entirely up to you.

Remember that you have time, you just don’t have time to waste.

Building stability is extremely important. Consider it a cornerstone of your life. In May of 2020, after a particularly shitty rut, I managed to finally clean up my room at the start of the final week. I then spent it playing Persona 5 with the sun shining in my room and I was surprised by how amazing and peaceful I felt. That’s when it occurred to me that if I wanted my life to be like that all the time, I had to build stability. Otherwise my life was going to revert back to how it was before, similar to how just nearly 2 months prior in early April I had achieved this level of peace I didn’t expect or know was possible, yet the rut I just described was what followed after.

To achieve stability you need to develop a foundation. Part of it is made up of your financial state, part of it is made up of the relationships you have in your life, and part of it is made up by the structure you have in your life. The first two are self explanatory, the third can be largely achieved by crafting a schedule. One that is relevant to your life, and one you will actually stick by. You will likely need 3 total. A daily schedule, weekly schedule, and monthly schedule. When all 3 schedules are in effect, they should snap together perfectly, meaning zero overlap. It will take time to develop, but you’ll figure it out.

Part of figuring it out is experimenting. I highly doubt your first schedule will be the final schedule. Put something together you think will work, try it out, and adjust accordingly. Give every new schedule or major revamp a one week trial run. When evaluating if a schedule is right for you or not, do it based on how good it makes you feel and how productive it allows you to be. If you feel like you can’t keep up with it, then something needs to be adjusted and you need to scale it back. If you feel like you don’t accomplish all your goals with the schedule, then you need to rework it. If you find that things naturally take you longer than you expected, then adjust schedule times accordingly.

In a lot of cases, you’ll be surprised how the smallest changes can impact the effectiveness of an entire schedule. The first time I made a schedule back in 2022, I was supposed to wake up at 8am. I thought it was genius. Go to bed at midnight and still get 8 hours by the morning? It sounded great. But I kept noticing that I would start my day feeling behind, which fucked up how I went about the rest of my day. Having the sun already shining and the world already moving before I’ve even opened my eyes made me feel sluggish. So I decided to do something that I would’ve thought was crazy just a few weeks prior, and moved my schedule forward to 5am. Suddenly, my schedule was perfect. Evaluate every single aspect of your schedule, no matter how dumb it may seem, because the slightest adjustment can make all the difference.

A schedule is supposed to work for you, not the other way around. Don’t cram a bunch of shit in there that you can’t even keep up with because YouTubers online make a big deal about how much work you do. Your schedule should make you feel good, on top of the productivity. The whole point of one is that it brings out the literal best version of you possible and allows you to achieve your goals efficiently. This might also mean you have dedicated time to simply relax or do whatever else you’d rather spend your time doing. You are a human, not a machine. Find a good balance within your schedule. It should also be simple, or at least relatively so. Making it more complex for the sake of it does not make it better.

Make sure within that schedule there is dedicated time to self care. Take care of your body and it will reward you. You may have to develop a whole new routine related to hygiene. I think you’ll be better for it. In December of last year I started taking it more seriously and what I didn’t expect was how much I fell in love with the routine, and especially the fact that I actually haven’t skipped it once since I started it.

Proper and adequate hygiene products will change the whole way you view taking a shower. Before I strictly viewed showers as a way to clean myself and be funk free. I didn’t feel good taking them or stepping out of one. But after I changed my products completely, that has 100% changed. I not only get the best clean possible, but my skin feels amazing, and I leave the bathroom smelling so damn good. Showers went from feeling like a chore to something that legitimately boosts my mood every time I take one. I would’ve never imagined not having a problem spending 30 to 40 minutes daily in the bathroom in a single session but here I am. So to expand on this, reevaluate legitimately everything in your possession. Is this actually the best product you could be using? Or do you just have it out of habit? You will be amazed how much better your entire lifestyle can feel when you know that you’re actually getting the most of everything you use.

Going back to schedules, the most important thing of all is honoring your bedtime. Even if you’re someone that has no issue waking up on a shorter amount of sleep, it’s healthier to get your full 8 hours. You’ll also feel better. The way your morning starts will have a surprisingly profound effect on the rest of your day.

When it comes to executing an entirely new schedule, don’t do it all at once. Do a few things every day and keep stacking them until you eventually are doing the entire schedule. The whole point is that you remain consistent and are able to stick with it. Doing it all at once will create unnecessary conflict.

When it comes to starting your commitment to a schedule, or life changes in general, you’re going to feel friction at first. It’s going to feel like so much work, and you’ll start wondering if you have what it takes to stay committed. You do. You just have to build momentum first for things to feel good, and that goes for a lot of things in life. Give it a short while and it will naturally click for you. I remember when I first started working out the shit felt kinda awful. Then after about two or so weeks, I surprisingly started to crave it. If I was missing a workout I knew I should be doing, I felt like there was an actual gap in my day. Like something was wrong. So just stay at it. Let the momentum build. Once that’s happened, the hardest part is behind you. I know illness can make this incredibly hard and extremely frustrating, but just keep trying. It will be worth it.

One of the best things about a schedule is that if you’re doing everything you’re supposed to towards goals such as good skin or working out or honing a skill, then you don’t even have to worry about when it will be achieved. Cause if you already know you’re putting in the work that’s necessary every day, then you already know you will reach your goal eventually regardless. So don’t stress.

Despite everything I just said about schedules, remember that routine > schedule. It’s more important that you complete your daily routines than it is that you do everything at the designated time. This should only apply on occasions and periods of time where completing things as scheduled is not really an option. Cause at least for me, whenever I didn’t wake up on time, the entire day was derailed. Cause in my mind if everything was off schedule then I didn’t know what the fuck to do. Nothing would feel right. Which is silly.

In general, if you happen to fuck up here and there with your schedule, don’t let it be the reason you get derailed and stop doing it altogether. Remember the contents of your schedule is more relevant than the schedule itself. As long as you are accomplishing the contents of that schedule, then ultimately your schedule doesn’t even matter.

Lastly, if you’re struggling with getting a part of your schedule or routine done, just remember that in the time you spend contemplating the action, you could’ve either already been done or deep into it. Brushing your teeth for example. If it’s 8:25pm, then by 8:30 you’ll have already finished brushing and have returned back to your activity. Don’t spend those 5 minutes contemplating the decision instead. It may help if you stop viewing it as the overall action of brushing your teeth and instead viewed it as you simply standing up, walking to your bathroom, picking up the brush, moving it around for a little, then walking back.

When you break down activities to their raw steps, it’s much much easier mentally to get it done. You’d have no issue walking to the bathroom if you had to pee, it’s not that much different to spend a few quick minutes brushing. Stop thinking, start doing. If you struggle with your bedtime routine due to forgetting or being too tired, then push it forward to be right after your last meal of the day.

When it comes to anger, I’ve seen a quote before that said “[it’s] sadness that never had anywhere to go”. I’m repeating this because you might wake up one day with a whole lot of rage you didn’t know you had and completely unsure as to where it’s coming from. It could also be anger you’ve been repressing for way too long. It’s kind of shitty though because repressing your anger is a practical thing to do. I’ve had moments where I wanted to destroy every breakable object in my house then put them back together so I could destroy them again right after. Only reason I didn’t was because obviously that is very fucking stupid considering the consequence that comes with it.

However an outlet for anger is still important. Find some way to drain it out of you. Internalizing everything is how you eventually snap. No one is immune to it. Neither are you. Even if you have gone your whole life repressing it, it is guaranteed to catch up to you eventually in some form, and when it happens, you will not be able to control the magnitude of damage it causes. So get ahead of it now. It’s much better to be in complete control over how your anger manifests instead of unknowingly letting it take over one day.

I know you probably wish you could find someone that naturally drains it out of you, but that’s not something you can bet on. If there’s something that helps you no matter how intense it is go for it if it’s not harmful to you or anyone else. Doesn’t matter if it’s something most people would judge you for. People love policing what other people got going on that doesn’t affect them. Fuck them. If it helps keep anger stagnant instead of growing or even lowers it, go for it. Just as importantly as the outlet itself, make sure you move on once you no longer need it.

Despite everything I just said, it’s okay to be angry in the general sense. You don’t have to feel guilt or shame over it. It’s okay to say you’re angry. You don’t have to feel guilt or shame over it. Especially as a man. Especially as a woman. Never let someone use your gender as a reasoning to why you’re not allowed to feel impacted by the way life and the people around you have treated you. It’s been how long and people still don’t understand that no one possesses that level of anger for no reason? It’s okay to not give a fuck anymore about a system’s, institution’s or person’s made up authority and to express it.

If you live with people that make you think about doing some extreme shit, don’t give in to those urges. These people have already taken away so much from you, don’t let them be the reason you lost your autonomy and future too. What you do today will affect your life tomorrow, remember that. Moving out (and especially right now) seems impossible, and so far away, but don’t lose sight of it. You know so damn well how good it’ll feel once you no longer have to live with them. If you should hold out hope for anything, it should be for that day to come. Kids in your position that gave in to those urges, it never ended well. No matter how justified it was.

If you feel like one more word out their fucking mouth and you’re gonna lose it, I know it’s going to feel so awful, but take a moment within the moment to collect yourself mentally and think about the bigger picture, and work through the situation as best as possible instead of saying or doing something satisfying that will put you in a worse position. Nothing breaks my heart more than a kid who couldn’t take it anymore.

If keeping things civil is not a real option, then at least be sure to thoroughly think about the consequences of whatever it is you feel you can’t stop yourself from doing. And you may not realize it, but you might also be deeply affected by the fact of feeling forced to do what you feel you have to do in relation to your own family, which is contributing to your overall distress and is a separate issue entirely.

If you’re someone that can’t find an outlet or is simply forced to live their anger, then flip it to your advantage by channeling it towards creating your future. Let hate & anger fuel your ambition until there’s enough love and joy to replace them. It’s all passion, and passion will get you places that nothing else in this world can. If you have the kind of anger that makes a nigga want to kill then that means you have the kind of passion that could last a lifetime. In general, if you have it in you to kill, you have it in you to do so much more than that. With that kind of passion, something is bound to work out for you.

For those of you embarking on careers, creative ones specifically, don’t underestimate the amount of work you’ll have to put in. Compare yourself to all the people you admire that inspire your work. If you think you deserve to be anywhere near their status then the way you approach your work should reflect that. I’m not saying you need to stay up 20 hours a day doing nothing but work, but I am saying that you need to put in a level of work and dedication you may never have before. Your career isn’t going to build itself.

You gotta put your whole dick in it. I don’t care if you have a pussy you gotta put your whole dick in it. The tip isn’t gonna cut it. And this doesn’t just mean the work you put in, it also means how much of your soul you’re putting in your work. The less you give, the less your work will be.

“Work ethic” is a concept that gets thrown around and while I do think it’s important, be sure to find a proper balance relative to the specific project you’re working on. When it comes to creative work there are major aspects that can’t be forced. At least not for me. I couldn’t write Myth on a 9-5 type of time even though I technically wanted to. I knew that forcing my brain to work during hours where it may not want to would be a waste of time. It wouldn’t be able to produce anything, and even if it could it wouldn’t be anything good.

Instead I let my ideas flow naturally and expanded on them accordingly. At the same time though, I made sure to be honest with myself as to whether or not I was capable of sitting down and working. If I only wrote Myth strictly when it was the most fun or “ideal” to do so, it would’ve taken years. I know Myth is less a “creative” effort and more an intellectual one but they both come from the same place if you actually think about it.

Overall, do what works best for you. As long as the work is getting done and you’re able to bring your A game to it, that’s all that matters. How unconventional your method or approach is, doesn’t.

If you’re mentally ill, it can feel extremely unfair how much extra work you have to put in to get where everyone else in your field is at, but that’s just how it is. Not much you can do. When it was me in September of 2022, it felt so fucked up to me that even after the immense amount of work I’d have to put in just to keep myself together, I would still then have another mountain of work to deal with just for my career. It honestly kind of felt impossible. I had a hard time grasping how I could be expected to do that. But illness isn’t the only adversity in life. There are many people in the field you’re in that had to push through their own to be in the same starting position as everyone else. That’s just life. Even being able to reach that starting position is a privilege in itself. A lot of people would kill for the abilities you possess and potential you’re sitting on. Don’t waste them.

Now there’s something I’ve noticed which I’ll lazily refer to as “first step syndrome”. It basically refers to how people perceive the first step to success in their career to be such a gargantuan task that their perception of what their career will take is completely skewed. The first step is simply one of many, many of which are repetitive, but you probably don’t know that. All you can think of is step one, and you make it out to be so much more significant of an undertaking than it actually is. I think this leads many people to quickly end up in positions where they don’t know what the fuck they’re doing because they spent all their time preparing for step one instead of the whole journey. They get their foot through the door completely unaware they actually have to do what it takes to stay inside.

You have to understand that it won’t get easier, but things will start to feel better (in a general sense). I think many people believe that once they get that big break or that foot through the door that it’ll get easier from there, especially with how hard accomplishing that first step seems, but it will not get easier. If you can’t handle the effort it takes to achieve step one then you may not be cut out for this.

Of course however, everyone is different. This may not apply as much to some people. Especially if the real difficulty lies in your current lack of resources that the first & future steps would be able to provide. But if you want to be the greatest at what you do, and be able to look back on your work with confidence that no stones were unturned, then it’ll never get easier. Especially the more skilled you are. When you’re the best at what you do you will only ever truly be competing with your younger self. None of this even means that you have to struggle, but the overall point is that when it comes to your craft, shit does not get sweeter.

When you put the first step on a pedestal, you are setting yourself up for failure. The only way to get past first step syndrome is to dive head first into it. You’ve built it up in your head for so long that it’s been given more importance that it actually deserves. But by diving right in and treating it like it’s only one of many steps, you put it in its proper place, and you will develop a much better perspective on what it is you’re doing. It’s a loooooooong way up. The first step of a million. Remember that.

If you’ve never created before, just start. It doesn’t have to be perfect. Nobody cares if it is either. Use what you have available to you, it doesn’t need to be cutting edge stuff. You have skills that need developing that can only be developed if you actually engage with them. Sitting around waiting to begin for essentially no reason will keep you fully stationary.

And when you have put something together, be confident in it. As much as you can muster. Be proud of what you make. It shouldn’t have to be special to anyone else to be special to you. That doesn’t mean you have to think it’s truly amazing in every way, but you should appreciate the things you’ve created as you work your way up into gaining confidence in yourself.

The only thing you will have with you throughout your career are your skills. Develop them. Master them. Never disrespect them. All these major artists didn’t really know how their careers would truly unfold, but they had the skill set to navigate it. That doesn’t mean there weren’t periods of doubt or confusion, but ultimately they prevailed. And they weren’t special in ways you can’t replicate. The only difference between them and you is that they developed the skills & acquired the tools necessary to get to where they needed to go, and you haven’t.

If you manage to get your career up off the ground, be sure to enjoy the come up. Like your youth, it can only happen once. So enjoy it. I know you might be frothing at the mouth to reach the finish line you always desired crossing but take time to appreciate the experience of climbing up the ladder. Cause you won’t get to experience it twice. All the little moments, appreciate those too.

When opportunity comes your way, don’t be too shy to take it.

When it comes to your artistry, I suggest keeping it simple. Simplicity is everything. Not just in artistry but in all walks of life. People feel the need to make things complex for the sake of it. As if it’s either going to compensate for something or make their work been seen as a display of intellect—as if simplicity displays the opposite. This is very silly. Not only because it’s pretentious and corny, but because if you realize just how many things in this world are simple, you would never think that. If you realized how often things need to be simplified in order to be the best version of itself, you would never think that. Just as how intelligence is widely misinterpreted, so is complexity. Don’t think that something needs to be complex to be impactful. If you actually pay attention to the world around you you’d realize that’s not even true.

Anything complex that was properly executed was just a bunch of simple ideas intricately woven together and meticulously layered. If those simple ideas haven’t been mastered, what do you think is supposed to happen? In order for you to do or create complex things you need to know how to handle the simple shit first. That’s why making something more complex for the sake of it doesn’t make sense because your mastery and understanding of those simple ideas would never encourage it. That is why complexity always reeks when done poorly because it showcases that you either have a complete lack of understanding of any of the elements that make up your work or that you lack the ability to make those elements work together.

Whether it’s a schedule, music playlist, or a body of work, you should always aim to make whatever you’re doing as simple as possible without compromising the vision. There is legitimately nothing to be gained by making something more complex than it needs to be other than to stroke ego. Sit down and actually think about the inherent value complexity brings, versus the inherent value of making something as simple and easy as possible. “Less is more” is a saying for a reason.

The most ironic thing about all this is that anyone can make something more complex. Just add more shit. But to execute a great idea in its most simplistic form without sacrificing any of the qualities that make it special? That takes skill. Not everyone can do that. To even simply make something great takes skill. Not everyone can do that.

Drop It Like It’s Hot is a very simple beat, and yet it’s one of the nicest things The Neptunes ever produced. And it’s remarkable in its own right. Cause it doesn’t matter how many elements there are, it’s how you use them. Sound familiar? Those of you that overhype complexity; tell me you have the creativity to use the elements in that song the way they were used. Cause I still can’t believe they did that. Tongue clicks, a keyboard, a drum machine and literal white noise.^[4]

I saw music producers online express a long while back how “people don’t care for complex beats they only want the simple ones” with an air of condescension. It was corny to me. Nobody cares how complex a beat is. Is it good first?

Timbaland is the 4th greatest producer to ever step foot in a studio. That’s not because many of his beats are sophisticated (at least in a relative sense), it’s because he’s fucking nutty with it. His production is so unique that you can identify a Timbaland beat you’ve never even heard before. Sure, the complexity of some elements aid in the sound of the tracks themselves and his overall style, but none of that would matter if he wasn’t one of one in the studio. Not to mention, his best beats have nothing to do with complexity. Some of them are very simple while others have a lot more going on. They’re still some the best in music all the same.

Listen to Give It To Me. As soon the beat comes in the drums flood your ears with such a dominating force. One that is unbelievably satisfying. Before you’ve even heard anything else, the drums are enough to demand your full attention. With one simple pattern, Timbaland proved precisely why he was never to be fucked with—if that wasn’t already clear by 2007. Or 2006 with Say It Right. Or 2005 with Put You On The Game. Or 2004 with I’ll Be Around. Or 2003 with Dirt Off Your Shoulder. Or 2002 with Cry Me a River. Or 2001 with Ugly. Or 1999 with Big Pimpin’. Or 1998 with Are You That Somebody?. I think everyone owes Missy Elliot a thank you.

I’m not saying you should never try anything ambitious. I’m saying that nothing great that was also complex was inherently great because it was complex. It was great, first.

When it comes to figuring out how to navigate pivotal decisions in your career, you should trust your gut. You will sometimes find 2 people with major success that were once in the same position at similar points in their careers that made completely opposite decisions. Yet they both succeeded. Sometimes the best thing you can do is trust your own judgement. What works for someone else may not work for you. So follow your gut. If you have what it takes, it should all work out anyway. Of course you could still make a bad decision, but generally speaking you should trust yourself. If something feels wrong, don’t ignore it. If something feels right, don’t ignore it.

If you feel behind in life in general, career or no career, don’t feel bad about it. I pretty much spent my entire life tryna keep myself together. That doesn’t really leave you with much time to do what everyone else is doing. The idea of catching up to where everyone else was felt impossible. It made me feel kinda shitty to be so behind. It absolutely did not help in the past year when I finally checked some of the Instagram accounts of people I used to know. Like how the fuck is this girl in France? Who’s paying for this shit? Even just last summer I randomly decided to look at Aria’s Instagram and it felt kind of shitty being reminded of how successful and happy many people I used to know are after high school. It didn’t last long though when I remembered that I will legitimately be more successful than all of them.

For those of you embarking on huge creative careers, remember that your path is not going to be the same as the people you know or once knew. This was something I recognized relatively quickly but took a while to really set in. The people you know who are working college required jobs; they have a very rigid structure to their progression. An artist of any kind can blow up overnight. The contents of the structure itself are also vastly different. They shouldn’t even be compared.

When you’re first starting out trying to turn nothing into something, you’re probably going to feel kind of fucking stupid. But remember that your path is not the same as the others. You’ll be behind now to potentially be much further ahead later. It’s always about the long game. Even if you know someone from your school or area that has internet fame or some type of success you’re also aspiring for, don’t let it change the way you perceive your own journey.

For those of you that feel behind simply due to your age, that is very silly. I absolutely know what it’s like, having to see the hottest new thing with a birth year the same as yours or even younger and immediately shouting it out in disbelief. But that shouldn’t make you feel bad about yourself. You should especially realize that they are the exception. Most of your favorite artists didn’t even start their careers until their mid to late 20s, or at the very least didn’t release the thing that put them on until then. Seriously, go take a look. You have any idea how hysterical it is to anyone pushing 30 and up that someone under the age of 25 thinks they’re too old to make it?

Everyone has a different time and a different pace. Yes you will feel like you’re behind or a loser until it happens. But then you’ll realize how many people a few years your senior wish they could be you and never will be.

Something very important that people seem to fail to do is to plan out your career. Plan as many details as possible. Especially if you’re aiming high. Plan the steps you’ll take, the different stages in life, how you’ll transition across them, the different ways things can pan out, etc. You need to create a roadmap of what’s to come. Obviously you can’t predict every detail, don’t get too lost in trying to figure out things you can’t possibly know yet, but you shouldn’t be oblivious. Whatever your plan is, it should be verbally repeatable.

If you simply just want to create and don’t have ambitions tied to anything outside of your work, that’s fine, but you still need to acknowledge the financial side of things. You should always have a plan of where the money is going to come from and how you expect to spend it. How do you plan to monetize your craft?

Look up prices for various things and specific things you plan to own. If you never looked into the car you’d get, or the apartment you’d move into and where, or the exact equipment you will eventually acquire, or calculated how much money your current lifestyle costs you, start doing that. There’s nothing silly about going on Zillow and looking at apartments. Or researching which car is the best purchase for the living situation you’re anticipating. Or learning about the tax laws and percentages of the area you plan to move to if you’re leaving the state and how that would impact your finances. Your career, no matter how fun or creative, consists of more than just the artistry. You can’t forget that.

All of this also ties back to confidence and how having a sense of direction can provide an immense amount of it. There is no reason why you should have to go into your entire future completely blind.

When I said earlier to cut through the noise, that was just a strong suggestion. If you plan to create, then cutting through the noise is a requirement. It is impossible—impossible—to reach the heights and achieve the things most people can only ever dream of unless you cut through the noise. If you can’t do that then you need to throw in the towel.

It’s a lot of niggas that can’t recognize when something they’re engaging with simply isn’t for them. It’s a lot of niggas that aren’t approaching your work from the same place you created it. It’s a lot of niggas who engage with things too absent mindedly to be giving any real criticism. It’s a lot of niggas that can’t even articulate how they feel without borrowing what the last nigga said. You are allowed to ignore them. You always were. The disconnect between creator and consumer is greater than ever, especially with many people genuinely viewing creators as objects to sickening degrees at this point. Know what you’re creating, why you’re creating it, and who it’s for—if not just for you.

It’s niggas who never achieved shit but a high school diploma calling niggas that single handedly generated millions over the span of their illustrious career and built the life they always wanted “conceited” cause they got the nerve to remind niggas. It’s ridiculous. The internet is one of the last places you should ever be taking opinions seriously. People will bitch about anything. When I say anything I mean anything.

If people are mad at you for something you sincerely put together, or you’re scared of it in anticipation, remember that contemporary outrage means nothing if the body of work is timeless. Do you have any idea how many artists that are forever cemented in hip hop history got a boat load of shit flung at them when they first debuted and on their way to the top? Probably not. Cause no one remembers it. Nobody cares. No amount of whining and bitching can dull someone’s shine if they truly are great and if they truly are timeless. Even in general, look into the history of a lot of people that are beloved today and have been around for at least a decade. Had they caved in, listened to, or even simply valued the contemporary outrage, they wouldn’t have made it. The only time you should ever pay attention to the noise is if you can use it to your benefit.

Lastly, remember that you are allowed to do what you want as an artist or creator. You don’t need to bow down to the internet or your audience. You don’t need to put up with or entertain anything you don’t want to. Consumers of the internet feel an entitlement towards everything they come across—as if every single thing was made exclusively for them and no one else.

For some reason people will think crazy of you for simply having boundaries or standing firm on behavior you dislike, going as far as to claim you’re either doing too much or straight up hate your fans. Chappell Roan simply asked people to be normal and all a sudden she’s apparently “bitchy” and a “diva”.^[5] Every time she demonstrates a backbone it’s a problem for people.^[6][7][8] The same dumbfucks that will tell you Britney deserved better with their next breath. It’s always people who clear as day will never create anything in their lives. All they know is how to consume. They don’t even know how to appreciate. Why the fuck would you ever listen to somebody like that? Niggas on the internet are cornier than ever. Always quick to comment but too pussy to speak their mind. So pussy, that they no longer are capable of recognizing how they actually feel about something. You in no way need to entertain these kinds of people.

Overall, you are allowed to have an audience you genuinely like. What good is a fanbase you dread sharing anything with? This is why you need to nip things in the bud sooner than later. Get ahead of it now. It can feel terrifying, but you have to do it. If they’re really your fans, if they’re really here for the right reasons, they won’t take it the wrong way.

If you go back and reread everything I said regarding interactions with the world, they all either boil down to you trying or you cutting through the noise. They are a powerful duo, and the only one you need.

Regardless of whether or not you plan to embark on a career or are simply just trying to save yourself from death, perseverance is crucial. You can’t give up. If you’re going through an incredibly difficult time in life in general, this may seem ridiculous. But picture things this way. Pressure itself does not inherently destroy. It all depends on how the subject reacts to it. When you put a submarine under enough pressure, it implodes. When you put carbon under enough pressure, you get a diamond. Thankfully us humans are much less rigid beings, meaning that even if you are more like a submarine, you can still turn yourself into more like a diamond.

You are ultimately the only person that can decide whether or not you’re down & out. That’s how you get shot 9 times, dropped by your label, then blackballed by the industry, only to come back 3 years later with the greatest debut album of all time. That’s how you go from being homeless and robbing niggas on Queen street for their Jordans to eventually becoming the second greatest artist to ever pick up a mic and by far the greatest of your generation. That’s how you get shot in the arm, become partially paralyzed for two years, and continue DJing through all of it to eventually become the fourth greatest producer of all time. Life doesn’t dictate when you’re down and out. You do.

If you go through periods of frustrations, doubts, and the like, there’s nothing wrong with that. But when it comes to your ultimate decision to proceed or concede, you gotta keep going.

You may not think you have it in you to keep going but you will be amazed at what you can tolerate once you set your eyes on what exactly it is you want. You’ll be amazed at the energy & focus you suddenly have that you have never felt before. When you want something bad enough, when you feel like it is nothing less than what you’ve always deserved, you will do everything it takes to obtain it. Or at the very least, you will die trying. If you truly have nothing left in your life then what is stopping you from giving everything you have left in you in a final effort at changing shit around? If you succeed, you get everything you wanted. If you fail, you were gonna die anyway. That freedom you feel from having nothing left? That’s what you put it towards. Doing things towards this last effort that you would’ve never had the balls to do otherwise.

Perseverance also means not giving up whenever things don’t go as planned. If you’re willing to quit the moment things get shaky, you will never achieve what you’re aiming for. Too many people do this. If your favorite artist, author, actor, or director were the same way they wouldn’t be where they are today. If you have potential, you are the only one that can kill it. That means there isn’t anyone on this earth that can kill it for you. If you keep getting rejected by someone in a position that you need a yes from, then you keep going. Don’t be discouraged. If you’re a racial minority you might have to kick the door a bit harder, but don’t stop kicking. All the people that paved the way didn’t achieve that by taking no for an answer.

This is why it’s important to know what you want. Exactly how you want it. As many details as possible. Not only to help with your sense of direction but also to provide motivation to know what it is you’re fighting for. Let those fantasies flow through you. Don’t let them distract you though. Strike a good balance. You’ll need it when going through bullshit. Remember everything that’ll be left on the table if you give up. Cause that’s what giving up actually means. It’s not just your life. It’s everything you could’ve had. Whatever bullshit you’re currently dealing with, frame it in the context that it was the reason why your future never happened. Then ask yourself again if it’s worth it to quit.

Don’t ever stop fighting til’ your entire life sounds like My 1st Song by JAY-Z. And remember that happiness is not the end goal—it’s peace. Happiness is a feeling. Peace is a state of mind.

With all that said, it’s important to remember that nothing is guaranteed. You still very well may fail altogether at achieving your goals. Nothing is guaranteed just because you tried. But it’s like squares and rectangles. The people that have made it to where they are now made it because they didn’t give up. But not everyone that has ever refused to give up achieved their goal. So be sure to develop backup plans. If my career doesn’t work out, I’ll become a video editor instead. My entire channel already doubles as one big ass portfolio.

I’ll start closing this off by giving more straight forward advice about things that are more tangible.

Depending on where you live, you have a legal right to an itemized bill when you use healthcare services. Ask for one. I’ve heard people online talk about how once they received it the amount they owed magically went down from the initial statement. And regardless, it is insane to me to slap somebody with a bill that large and not even tell them where each penny came from. Absolutely mind blowing.

BetterHelp is a service you may want to think twice about. I’ve seen people complain about the lackluster service they provide and they were caught very recently for selling health data, resulting in a $7.8 million lawsuit settlement.^[9][10] If you see someone promoting BetterHelp they either don’t research anyone they sponsor before selling shit to their audience or they already knew and just didn’t care.

There’s a service called GoodRx which can be accessed at goodrx.com. It allows you to pay less money for prescriptions at pharmacies. Search your prescription, adjust the dosage and quantity, choose your pharmacy, and then it will show you 4 codes. You don’t have to create an account. You literally just walk up to the pharmacist, tell them you have a GoodRx coupon, and they will handle the rest after you show it to them.

First thing worth noting is that you cannot use both GoodRx and your insurance. It’s either or, so be sure to compare which is cheaper for you. Second thing worth noting is that the company has been caught selling health data too and very recently as well.^[11] The Federal Trade Commission slapped them with a $1.5 million fine in 2023 over it.^[12] Do with that as you will.

Everything I’ve ever needed to know about nutrition or my body I learned from healthline.com. It is a truly fantastic website that should make any changes you want to make to your diet or overall lifestyle much easier. The information they present is medically verified.

If you want to know if a product you’re using is harmful or simply just what each ingredient of a product is and what they do, use the website incidecoder.com. Not only is it informative but it genuinely seems to value the concept of people not being in fear of every last rumor about an ingredient.

You should still come to your own conclusions about things but like I said, I think the site is pretty fair at identifying what’s fear mongering bs and what’s actually worthwhile to avoid. And even then, you can of course still choose to not give a fuck about something. I use bodily products with fragrances in them. Do I actually know what’s in said fragrances? No. Do I trust these companies are still keeping it clean anyway? No. But do I smell scrumptious? Most definitely. It’s a trade off I am aware of and don’t mind making. For now…

Also, be sure to double check if the website’s listings are up to date, as formulas do change, and the product you’re looking at now might be different than what’s listed on any website period.

Don’t sleep on supplements. If you’ve never taken any before you’ll be amazed at how much of an effect they can have on your mind and body, and how much they can improve the quality of your life. I wouldn’t use up valuable runtime if they didn’t. So look into them. When you decide on one you want to try, read all the fine print on the bottle. Do your research on the upper limits for the vitamin or mineral you’re taking. These companies are batshit crazy with the dosages they be giving out. You’ll be shocked at how illegal it feels. Make sure you know exactly what is going in your body and how much.

This also includes serving size. Sometimes the amount advertised is all within a single pill. Other times you need to take more than one to reach the advertised amount and fulfill the serving. There’s also another layer which is that the amount of whatever mineral specified may not be equal to the amount your body can actually absorb, but that varies from substance to substance, as well as the form you’re taking. Some minerals have more than one form you can take, and there’s almost always one that’s way better than the other for supplementation purposes. These do usually end up being a bit more expensive. So again, read the fine print. The ingredients on the label will always tell you the exact form you’re taking. If it doesn’t don’t buy it.

Be sure the company you’re buying from is reputable. There are a lottttt of shady companies. You can use ChatGPT to make things much easier. Also be sure you’re looking at information for daily consumption of the substance. This is cause the amount you can take at once, as well as the risks and benefits, are not the exact same as the ones for if you plan to take them on a daily basis for an indefinite period of time.

Also also be sure to check if you need to take that supplement with food or if it doesn’t matter. Also also also be sure that you’re actually taking whichever supplement 24 hours later, rather than basing it off a nonexistent sleep & eating schedule. You won’t die or anything but taking too much of a supplement by doing it too soon can easily fuck your head or stomach up in ways you will regret as it’s happening.

Last also, be sure you know how big the pill is gonna be. You see this shit?

My throat not really built for that, but yours might be. Whore.

Generally speaking, if you buy capsules they’ll be easy to swallow even if they’re on the bigger side. When it comes to swallowing pills, if you lean your head forward a bit to where your eyes are pointed to the floor, it will be much easier to do, at least when swallowing capsules. Assuming you have water in your mouth they’ll float to the top. The lean forward method apparently also lowers the chance of a pill going down wrong. I wouldn’t try this with a pill that stays sunk at the bottom of your mouth when you have water in it though.

I know that’s a lot of rules for some vitamins & minerals, and the whole experience of finding the right bottle to buy can feel like Where’s Waldo?, but it’s still worth trying. Remember, once you find the right bottle, you’ll never have to find it again.

If you’re susceptible to mania, or even just fearful of it, stay away from ginseng. The research is limited but there have been reports of mania linked to ginseng consumption.^{[13][14][15][16]} If you also know your head in general is a bit fucked up, research both professional and anecdotal side effects of anything supposed to enhance mood, energy or libido, cause some supplements should be avoided at all costs.

If you struggle with detangling your hair, or at least your natural hair, all you need a detangling brush that looks like this, a wide tooth comb, water, a good conditioner, and patience. If you’ve never successfully detangled before, section your hair into 4 and go into the shower. With each section, make sure it is completely wet, then apply lots of conditioner. An obnoxious amount. Then finger detangle as much as you can, before switching to the wide tooth comb, before switching to the detangling brush. Start at the ends then work your way to the root. Then you wanna get that mean grip on the brush and just start going all the way down.

This whole process can potentially take you hours, which is why patience is key. First time I ever did this it took several hours across a few days, so get that playlist ready. You’ll know when a section is done because the brush will glide through your hair in a way you’ve never experienced before. If you have a sensitive scalp like I do, you should be fine throughout this process.

I know it’s a lot of work but it’s worth it. It genuinely feels like a superpower once you know how to detangle by yourself. In regards to product recommendations, Carol’s Daughter shampoo and conditioner set is quite nice if you don’t want to use Mielle’s Rosemary Mint shampoo and Pomegranate & Honey conditioner. For the leave in you can use Aunt Jackie’s Quench if you don’t want to use Mielle’s Pomegranate & Honey leave in. All great options.

Natural hair can be very frustrating, I know. Every 5 months I get mad and think about cutting all my shit off. But just see it through. It’s worth it. Additionally, if you actually moisturize your hair regularly and detangle it weekly, you won’t have that much work to do. Relatively, and for my curl pattern at least. In general, it’s easier to keep something a certain way if you do it more frequently instead of letting the issue accumulate. It’s worth noting that despite how long my first ever detangling took, I never had to spend anywhere near as much time doing it again even after very extended periods of no detangling.

Almond oil is a very worthwhile investment. You not only can use it on your hair but also your skin (including your penis) to moisturize, among other benefits.^[17][18]

If you want an alternative to Photoshop, you can get Affinity Photo 2 for a one time purchase of $70. It goes on sale quite often for upwards of 50% off. The cheapest option restricts you to one operating system, though there’s an option for a license that grant multi platform access as well as access to their other 2 programs.

They were acquired by Canva in 2024 which raised concerns about potentially switching to a subscription model, which I personally think is likely to happen in the future.^[19] Your current license though would be unaffected, and you would still retain permanent access to AP2. Honestly, even if they do switch to subscription, it’d still be preferable to Adobe.

If you’re on a monthly Adobe subscription, you may not be thrilled to find out that you’re actually on a yearly plan that’s billed monthly. So if you try canceling “early” they’ll charge you a big ass fee for it. There might happen to possibly be by chance guides on how to get around the cancellation fee but of course I wouldn’t know and would never suggest that you seek them on sites like Reddit and Twitter, nor am I suggesting that I myself have used them or that they even exist. I’m just pondering. You should always honor full contract agreements. 😃👍

If you need to record audio, use Audacity. It looks shitty on Mac with the low frame rate but it works just fine. If you need editing software you can use DaVinci Resolve, which is free. The paid version contains features that majority of people are never going to use. DaVinci isn’t simply just a good free option, it is legitimately the best editing software you can download. I hear that the fusion tab in DaVinci is basically an After Effects alternative as well, so you seriously can go ditch Adobe if you want to. Everyone that works at Adobe I want each and every one of you on your knees gagging on my dick. Fuck you.

If you’ve ever wanted to drown out the noise around you for whatever reason but didn’t want to force music, you could simply use the Calm app on either your phone or PC. They’ll ask you like 5 times to make an account but you don’t actually have to.

In life, remember that sometimes the only way you can win is by walking away.

Regardless of faith, never forget your consent is powerful. Be mindful who you give it to. What you give it to. Do not forget this.

Lastly, you should invest in a journal, if for no other reason than to track and manage symptoms. If you’re dealing with a lot of shit emotionally it can seem ridiculous that writing in a book is supposed to do anything to make you feel better, but it actually works. You just have to write in it for a few weeks. Then the benefits really start hitting.

If you’re feeling overwhelmed by this whole chapter and don’t know where to even start when applying it your own life, that’s okay, because the structure of Help Yourself already mirrors the order you should go in. Once you push past the disconnect, you begin by mending the relationship you have with yourself while gaining a much more intimate understanding of who you are and what you feel. You then separate yourself from the confines of labels and public perception which greatly aids in your ability to do this. You’re now able to start changing the way you interact with the world, brave enough to do so, starting with how you use your voice to speak. Using that voice, you address the way people treat you and become more assertive about how you feel and what you need; getting rid of people who hold you back in any way in the process.

Afterwards, you finally declare to yourself that you are going to try, even if you fail, to achieve the life you always wanted. You follow up by gaining direction through studying the world around you and developing your own blueprint. Once you’ve gained that and laid out a framework, you then build stability in your life by developing a strong foundation. Finally, now in the starting position, you’re ready to face the rest of the life you’ve planned head on; with a sense of self that keeps you poised, a sense of direction that keeps you focused, and a sense of passion bordering on unhinged that ensures you never stop going.

For an even simpler progression; once you conquer what’s going on inside you you can then redirect that same effort to conquering what’s around you. Unintentionally, that’s exactly what I did. Of course, you don’t have to follow the exact same path. I don’t even expect you to. You will likely make progress in different areas at different times and simultaneously. So don’t force it. Your progression is yours and yours only. But if you need some sort of structure, there you have it. You go from the innermost point to the outermost point.

If you don’t know what to do when you’re done with Myth, just relax for a while. Sit in silence. Breathe. Let yourself just exist for a bit. You don’t gotta plan your life or call this person or take a certain action right after it ends. You can just exist for a bit, and give yourself time to absorb everything I’ve said over the coming weeks. Not to mention, if you’re in this position you’ve probably been through a lot, too much almost, so why wouldn’t you allow yourself a moment to breathe for a while?

There’s a whole spectrum of people reading, and for those that are fucked up bad like I was back in 2019, there’s no way you’re going to absorb this over night. Or even in the next few weeks or the next few months and that is fine. Be patient with yourself. It allows you to build a proper foundation anyway.

On the topic of patience, it’s the most important thing of all. The biggest disconnect between people like me and people like you is that I’ve come to understand the importance of it. Patience isn’t waiting around aimlessly for nothing. It’s the ability to wait as long as needed regardless of how you feel about it. Learn how to be patient with yourself and learn how to be patient with life. You have time, you just don’t have time to waste.

These are permanent changes you are trying to make in your life. That means you have your entire life ahead of you to make them. It’s going to seem borderline ridiculous to think how long you might spend trying to grasp at what I’ve laid out, but trust me, give it time. None of this shit came to me overnight. It took time. I know it’s hard to believe because y’all have only ever seen the more modern me, but I promise you, I was such a different kid before my psychotic event. Like y’all really don’t get it. It took 20 years to mold me into what I am now. That’s not to say it should take you as long, it’ll certainly be faster, but a lot of the biggest changes you need in your life and your spirit are going to require a serious amount of time. It may seem discouraging, but you’re going to be on this earth anyway. Instead of constantly thinking about how long it will take to be who you want to be, just start doing it. Ironically, if there is any change you can start making right now, it’s developing your patience by practicing it after you finish reading Myth.

Give yourself the time necessary to absorb the information. Give yourself the time necessary to grasp it, apply it, experiment with it. It might be a really long time before even half the shit I’ve said makes sense to you.

If you’ve been in a rut or spiral for a long ass time, it’s going to take a while and much more energy to get out of it, but that’s fine. Imagine everything in your house has been smashed into pieces and now you gotta clean it up. You certainly wouldn’t do it in a day. You’d take your time with it. It’ll be clean eventually.

You cannot rush the process. You cannot rush greatness. When you go about making changes, give them a while to really come into full effect. Things aren’t going to feel better overnight. That’s why a lot of people quit early. They try something for 2 to 3 days and figure it’s not worth the time. That’s not how you should go about things. Give everything a few weeks for proof of change.

Don’t downplay any progress you may have made one day because it wasn’t “big” enough. When I tell you any progress is good progress that’s not me throwing a bone. It’s legitimate. You spent how many years doing nothing? And now you think it’s not meaningful that you’re finally doing something? Something which the majority of people in human history haven’t even tried to do? Something that you were once incapable of putting your mind to? Cut it out.

No matter what decision you decide to make, just remember that I can’t make you do anything and I can’t stop you from doing anything. Even if it feels like I’ve been pouring out your brain across all these pages, we still don’t even know each other. If you want change I can’t make you put the work in. Nobody can. If a year goes by and you’ve made noticeable progress, that’s entirely on you. Give yourself the proper credit. I might’ve showed you how to do something or that you were capable, but you’re still the one that put in the work and made it happen.

In the same vein, if you ultimately decide there’s nothing left for you on this earth then I can’t stop you from making that decision either. I just hope the commitment to that decision doesn’t become your final regret. I’ve read stories from people that realized mid attempt how much of a mistake they were making. I imagine there’s many who didn’t fail their attempts or were unable to abort them that felt the same way. I don’t think anyone should know what that position feels like.

If you’re gonna end your life you should at least be able to say to yourself that you did everything in your power and have it be true. Out of all the things I have ever said or done—including The Myth of the Mental Health System—staying alive is by far the most insane. But I don’t regret it. (I think…)

Be the person for yourself that the people in your life failed to be. Forever and always. All the serious content I’ve ever made is for my younger self that didn’t have anyone to tell him these things, and this is no different. No one told him there was something he could do. If I could send this chapter back in time I don’t know how effective it would be at saving him but I’d like to think it’d be worthwhile. I love that kid so much more than he ever knew and this is the closest I’ll ever get to hugging him.

The next chapter:

Hubris

Scooter Braun on Being Enough, Insecurity, Wealth, Investing, Fame, Marriage and Much More by Harry Stebbings – April 17, 2023
The Sick Man’s Dilemma by Blessings Stranded – December 31, 2022
Spotify Presents: Billie Eilish HIT ME HARD AND SOFT Q&A with JENNIE by Spotify – June 21, 2024
Drop It Like It’s Hot by Wikipedia (an original contribution)
Chappell Roan GOES OFF on Fans ‘Harassing’ and ‘Stalking’ Her by Entertainment Tonight – August 20, 2024
Chappell Roan confronts a photographer at 2024 VMAs carpet by Associated Press – September 11, 2024
Chappell Roan’s Expletive RIDDLED RANT Over Fans Berating Her Refusal To Endorse Harris: WATCH by The Hill – September 27, 2024
chappell roan is speedrunning the end of her career right now by D’Whinegelo Wallace – October 1, 2024
FTC says online counseling service BetterHelp pushed people into handing over health information – and broke its privacy promises by Federal Trade Commission – March 3, 2023
BetterHelp Customers Will Begin Receiving Notices About Refunds Related to a 2023 Privacy Settlement with FTC by Federal Trade Commission – May 6, 2024
Regulators Say Prescription App GoodRX Sold Customers’ Private Health Data to Advertisers for Years by NBC5 – February 27, 2023
FTC Enforcement Action to Bar GoodRx from Sharing Consumers’ Sensitive Health Info for Advertising by Federal Trade Commission – February 1, 2023
Manic psychosis associated with ginseng: a report of two cases and discussion of the literature by Lisa J Norelli & Chunying Xu – April 1, 2014
Mania and Psychosis Associated with St. John’s Wort and Ginseng by Kaustubh G Joshi & Matthew D Faubion – September 2005
The Association Between Ginseng and Mania: A Case Report and Literature Review by Robabeh Soleimani, Zahra Gol, Seyede Melika Jalali – January 1, 2020
Mania Associated With Herbal Medicines, Other Than Cannabis: A Systematic Review and Quality Assessment of Case Reports by Emmanuelle Bostock, Kenneth Kirk, Michael Garry, Bruce Taylor, Jason A. Hawrelak – July 5, 2018
The Benefits of Almond Oil for Skin, Hair, and Cooking by healthline – October 12, 2017
Almond Oil for Hair by healthline
Canva acquires Affinity to fill the Adobe-sized holes in its design suite by The Verge – March 26, 2024

The Myth of the Mental Health System

w r I t t e N b Y b L e S s I n g S s t r A N d e d

Hubris